The Hand of Messi

The Blackest Night #7 - Synopsis - Review

2010-02-24T05:46:00.000-08:00

Nekron's heralds all carry the guardians towards Nekron, Nekron says that the guardians are the oldest living beings in the universe thus making their connection to the "white light" stronger than any other, yet they bury it deep inside. Nekron holds a guardian and asks him why do they protect the universe if they don't live, calling the guardian "creature". The Guardian stutters that he doesn't remember.

The coloured lantern corps team of the main lantern representatives and their deputies show up. Sinestro notes that their beams are useless against Nekron and that Nekron's enjoying it.

Hal mentions to Ray that this isn't a bad guy like the ones they've fought day to day, it isn't personal for him.

Black Hand says it is for him as he wraps everyone down in black webbing. he says that all his life he's seen others more beautiful and blessed but in death they are all equal. All silent and cold.

A downed Atrocitus asks Saint Walker if he still believes All will be well and Saint Walker says that he does and that deep inside he knows that he (atrocitus) does too. Then Black Hand says that he remembers Atrocitus and Atrocitus says he remembers too and that he was the doorway to the black that he tried to end a long time ago. Black Hand puts his arm into Atrocitus' chest asking where is his heart, Hal Jordan tells him his ring is his heart and Black hand grabs Hal with dead hands that rise from the ground and hold him. Black hand says that Hal had extra time he didn't earn and that inevitably everything dies, and that he is stopping people suffering miserable deaths.

Scarecrow comes in stabbing Black hand with a pitchfork construct, that he feels alive and wants to hear screams. As Scarecrow fights Black Hand by himself, Luthor calls him out, then Wonder Woman tells him that this is his chance to do some good, Barry says to "think of it this way, if you don't join in now you won't have a world left to feed your oversized ego". Scarecrow screams "THIS IS MY MOMENT!". Lex's eyes light with the symbol of Avarice and he says "No. It's mine." and he attacks Scarecrow. The Indigo 1 says that he's succumbed to the orange light. Luthor goes insane and attacks everyone wanting Crane's ring and manages to take it off him and put it on himself. Then he wants everyone's rings attacking everyone, then flies at Mera trying to take her ring.

In Space, John Stewart is being pursued by billions, yes billions of Black Lanterns. He tries to call to anyone until a Black Lantern Airwave says that he's been screwing up the signals. And that in space only they can hear him scream. All the Black Lanterns turn around as their rings say that "emotional spectrum detonation imminent".

next page. Double Page Splash of every Lantern Corps, with Guy dead centre. As they all have seemed to come in at the same time, a huge battle erupts particularly with the red lanterns attacking everyone. Airwave tries to take Guy's heart until Kilowog severes his connection to the black.

Then all their rings receive the same message manipulated via their rings. The message states that they are to extend the temporary alliance since the situation is as desperate as the situation prophesized. Guy Gardner says "unite as one corps? keep dreaming" then an Indigo Lantern says that the green lanterns corps as a solo unit will be overcome with over three billions black lanterns. and if they team up they will only be overcome with over two billion.

On Earth, The new Dove, shows up severing all connections around her. Dove says that she feels something flowing through her and if she can destroy the black lanterns with a touch then maybe she can damage their power source.

Then lightning or some power hits dove. And a voice yells "NEKRON." And the black lantern battery has a figure trying to get out of the battery yelling "LET ME OUT."

As the coloured corps try to stop Luthor, nekron holds a guardian and asks him for any final words. The injured and broken Guardian struggles to mutter the words "Long live the cor--" until Nekron slits his throat.

Nekron hands the guardian to Black Hand who puts his arm into his chest and rips out his entrails, revealed to be multicolored like the various corps. Then he says "death to us all". Black Hand puts the entrails on the ground and an unknown symbol appears around it.

A gagged Luthor attacked by Wonder Woman and Atrocitus says that the truth is he really wants to be Superman.

Nekron stands over the dead open chested Guardian's corpse and says "Death to you all."

Hal asks Ganthet what is Nekorn doing. Ganthet says he's murdered one of the guardians and has begun to make contact. Sinestro asks "contact with what".

Then Nekron says "Trespasser." Strikes his scythe down and says "RISE". A blinding flashing light and then Geoff Johns shows he's going all crazy Alan Moore, Stan Lee cosmic with this new creation.

A giant skinny white figure with wings in a coccoon emerges. Hal just looks in shock.

Nekron lifts his scythe and says that he wants all their lives. "INVADERS".

Nekron strikes the creature which yells. As he strikes the creature, everyone feels pain except Black Hands.

Hal asks what it is. Ganthet says it's "The Entity." "The living light bestowed upon this universe that triggered existence itself".

Ganthet says in shame that the guardians may be the oldest living beings but life did not begin on Oa, but on Earth. They buried that fact to keep the Entity protected.

Sinestro gets angry saying just like they buried parallax or the sector 666 massacre. Ganthet says they could not draw attention to Earth and they tried to keep humans from the green lantern corps. Sinestro says "until Abin Sur died" and that he knew all of this and thats why he came to "this wretched world" Sinestro attacks Ganthet saying that they destroyed Abin Sur to protect their lies. And they let the universe believe life originated on oa to justify their Authority. Sinestro says that now he will justify his authority.

Nekron strikes the Entity again. With life drawn all around him, suffering.

Hal says they all feel the pain because they are all connected and every living thing is dying. Barry asks why isn't it fighting back. Hal says that The Entity is like Parallax and Ion, a living power. Nekron dug it up for them. Hal flies towards it saying "It just needs a PILOT."

A giant Sinestro construct stops Hal in his path telling him he had his chance with Parallax. "This is my duty!" Sinestro flies towards the entity saying that this is the reason he is alive, and he is the one that will lead them out of the blackest night. Sinestro grabs a hold of the entity, a peacul looking alien type creature, demanding it's power.

Sinestro's eyes light up with the white light symbol, similar to the Black Lantern symbol but with many thin lines on the top. Sinestro yells that he will finally prove to the universe...

"I am the greatest lantern of them all"

Enter Destiny. Enter Double page portrait splash. Enter White Lantern Sinestro.

In case you're wondering what the white ring/entity power is saying "Thaal Sinestro" "Destiny awaits".

Epic issue, though the whole Abin Sur thing still makes no sense. So Abin Sur came to earth and knew all about the entity....ok...but what then? What was his plan. Did he want it? Did the guardians sabotage Atrocitus so he could kill Sinestro? How did they know it would work? Ahhhh Alan Moore's yellow fog story is much better.

The Blackest Night #5 - Ultra Mega Super Epic Explosive Spoiler!!! ....and Review

2009-11-25T06:23:00.001-08:00

Read Green Lantern #48 before The Blackest Night #5 or else it won't make much sense.

ohh yeah.

"BRUCE WAYNE OF EARTH"

The issues pretty good too. Some art/rushed coloring problems, but pretty tight and finally involving Green Lanterns in a Green Lantern story(pretty much proving everything I said about Didio seeing a $ opportunity to turn this into a DC wide crossover true - which happened, and did take away from the story).

Still not as good or tight as Sinestro Corps War.

Ohh yeah and Nekron has been keeping the heroes from really dying, he's the one who's been resurrecting them.

------

The Issue - Synopsis

Right after Green Lantern #48 where all the corps leaders join together. They all decide to go fight Nekron. They all power up with their oaths in a cool spread(has Indigo-1's oath which is in that nok nok language and mentions abin sur) but larfleeze has no oath and he keeps wanting promises for things in exchange for joining the Colored Corps. Atrocitus wants to kill him and Sinestro suggests they kill him and go get whoever the ring goes to next. Hal just pushes Larfleeze's face into his power battery charging him up to %100,000

- On Earth Barry runs at Nekron who tells him that his "death was the first, your rebirth will be the last". Black Hand attacks Barry and Bruce's skull makes a sound causing Barry to go "bruce?"

-Wally comes out of nowhere helping Barry. Barry asks if he's the only one coming and Wally says that they don't have a flash corps to back them up but they have plenty of friends - showing a page of DC heroes including Wonder Woman and Superman.

-
In Manhattan Ray/atom is trying to stop the black ring from ressurecting Damage. Jean says no one believed in him until Ray came along. Then Mera has water smash Jean. jean then grabs Ray and Mera and they shrink and dissapear into Damage's Black ring.

- Superman and Conner are destroying all the black lantern coast city civilians when Kid Flash comes running telling them that they found out the white light of Dove is destroying all the black lanterns and that the titans are bringing her in. but the bad news is that donna troy was bitten. The flash's all run at nekron and past him and try to rescue the Guardians from their goo chains saying that they might not have green lanterns but they might have one better until -

- Scar shows up and slashes one of the flashes(i can't tell who). she is about to consume Wally when the colored corps show up all shooting their rings at Scar in an awesome double page spread.

- Larfleeze tries to keep Scar because he wants his own guardian, but Scar ensnares him until the colored corps and Ganthet and Sayd destroy her.

- The colored corps fly at the black power battery with indigo-1 saying that they need to recrate the white light which created life, which is the antithesis of the death powering the black lanterns.

- the colored lanterns all shoot their rings at the power battery and black hand mentions that the guardian's ultimate lie is about to be exposed as a solitary black ring flies from the black power battery. It flies past everyone as the colored corps see that their shooting is doing nothing.

- Black hand holds up Bruce Wayne's skull and says that their shooting is actually making Nekron stronger. Then....

- "Bruce Wayne of Earth"

- A double page spread of BLACK LANTERN BATMAN!

- everyone is in shock and a black lantern ring says "emotional tether registered", obviously engaging all the heroes with a zombie Bruce Wayne.

- Nekron tells all the resurrected heroes that they died and came back but they don't know why, he was the one stopping them from everlasting death, he allowed their resurrections. And that they will help him expose the guardians greatest secret and return the universe to a place of quiet, dark order.

- A bunch of rings fly out of Black Lantern Bruce Wayne and attach themselves to Wonder Woman, Superman, Green Arrow, Animal Man, Tora, Conner, Kid Flash.

- Nekron - "DIE!"

- The heroes start dying as Barry runs. Hal ensnares bruce then Nekron says that Bruce Wayne has served his purpose and he can return to rest. Then connection severed as batman explodes.

- Double Page spread of the dead heroes, but not zombified. Nekron says "the light awaits us" just as Hal Jordan is trying to stop a black lantern ring attaching to him and Barry is outrunning one.

next issue "DIE!"

THE BLACKEST NIGHT #3 - SYNOPSIS

2009-09-16T06:30:00.000-07:00

I refuse to call it Blackest Night, it's THE BLACKEST NIGHT. Fuck you Didio.

Anyway.

- The new Firestorm pair of Jason and Gen are at Columbia U and Jason wants to study formulas for Firestorm whilst Gen wants to go to the movies but Jason is really putting everything off because he has seen her thoughts which involve marriage and children. He tells her he's not ready and the JLA beeper goes off.

- Back in Gotham. Hal and Barry are fighting the Zombie JLA. Kendra is telling Carter to make Hal use willpower because it gets her hot. Ralph tries to elicit an emotion in Barry getting Rage. The dead Ronnie Raymond Firestorm berates Barry for being like Professor Stein - a boring dull dude. Barry Manages to get Ronnie's finger and tries to pull the black ring off. He yanks it and Firestorm yanks back but the ring is bonded to him. Barry tells Hal the rings are rooted like plants in the ground. Out of nowhere The Atom comes out of Hawkman's black ring, all beaten and bruised with a torn costume. He tells them that the rings have the same porous structure as bones or 'dark matter' the unseen skeletal anatomy of the universe.

- at JLA headquarters, Firestorm(the normal one) walks in creeped out and sees the Black Lantern attacks around the world on a monitor. He is then pinned against the wall by Mera. She tells them to calm down and stay focused and centred, to not give out emotion. It is the way she was able to escape and the way they seem to not be able to track her.

- Hal and Barry try to escape with Ray but Ralph grabs Hal and then holds Ray, breaking him down emotionally, he sees compassion in Ray. Ray says what happens was an accident. Sue Dibny tells him that she knew what she was doing as she brough along a flamethrower. As Sue is about to put her hand through Ray's chest....A FEMALE INDIGO LANTERN JUMP KICKS SUE DIBNY LIKE A FUCKING BADASS! Putting her staff through her fucking chest! She looks angry and then slices Sue in half with her staff. Then this awesome Shaman Indigo Lantern jumps on Ralph and puts his staff through Ralphs's face. They manage to push away the black lanterns and then the Indigo Lantern summons the power of will and the end of her staff glows green and she shoots a ring and shatters the hand with the black ring saying "Connection Severed". The will from her staff shatters Ralph, then it does the same to Sue but not before she tells Ray to feel bad for her. Then the Indigo Lanterns teleport Hal, Barry and Ray out of there to JLA headquarters.

- At JLA headquarters. Ray is broken but the Indigo Lantern talks to him in English, comforting him, seeing the compassion in him and that their light will heal him. Firestorm asks if they are the purple lanterns. The Indigo lantern tells them that they discard names and individuality but she can be reffered to as Indigo-1 and that she is the chosen leader of the Indigo Tribe. They ask her what's going on and to start at the beginning.

- In a double page spread she recounts everything. First there was darkness and then there was light, for seven hundred years there was nothing but WHITE LIGHT. Then the darkness fought back and the light splintered. Every sentient being born from the light contributes to the spectrum. Everybody's state of being adds to the light and it can collected and harnessed. She then explains all the corps, who they are and what they do. She also explains that all the Corps homeworlds are under attack. Indigo-1 can also hear Gen who asks why do they attack Earth and she says she believes it's because they have halted so many threats across the universe. She says the Black Lanterns are not the invaders in this war and that 'we' are the invaders. They are the tresspassers but they bring goodness. The guys all speculate that the black lanterns aren't really them(the people who they are), Ray thinks maybe the dead aren't wearing the rings, but the rings are wearing the dead. Indigo-1 says they feed off emotion. Ray says she can stop them since she channeled Hal's ring. She says that Green light reinforced with another will neutralize the rings and leave them to conventional damage. Once destroyed the ring initiates a feedback which renders the black lantern inert. The more shades of the emotional spectrum shining together, the stronger the light. She explains that it is the reason she went to Hal, The seven corps can replicate the 'white light of creation'(white lantern ehh) and that together they will be capable of locating the source of the black rings and destroying it. She mentions he has personal connections to the most powerful members of all the corps such as Carol. She explains what's happening to her on Zamaron. And like the cocky dude he is, tries to go straight away without thinking. but Barry holds him down, telling him they need him. Barry tells him he has a thick skull and after everything he's been through, he still hasn't learnt anything, he still flies off hal cocked. They both berate how they were and how they are now until Hal sees Barry is right and they should regroup with the other big guns like Clark and Diana and Wally and Jay and then the ZOMBIE JLA bursts through. However the Indigo Lanterns grab Hal and teleport him against his will, leaving the others to whatever fate.

- The Zombie Firestorm shuts them all in. and he goes straight for normal firestorm and seperates Jason and Gen into their physical forms. He then grabs Gen by the throat and as Jason tells him to leave her alone he mends Jason to him as his other half of his mind. He starts breaking down jason as he has Gen in his hands against a wall and he can see everything Ronnie can see, such as the yellow aura of fear around her. He starts brekaing him down saying he stole the matrix from him to get in her pants. Jason tries to stop him, screaming at him but nothing. Ronnie asks what the formula for table salt is and then mentions ghosbusters and how the guys couldn't keep a clear head. Of course he now knows the formula. He starts turning her into table salt all whilst saying how the life she wanted with her boyfriend will never happen, Jason tries to scream but she can't hear him. Jason screams that he does want a future together and he does love her. But it's too late, he turned her into solidified salt and the black power level raises and Ronnie punches his hand through to grab her heart.

- As Mera, Barry and Ray fight the Zombie JLA, more Black Rings come in. The solidified Gen breaks down and the power levels keep increasing whilst Ronnie tells Jason he will break down everything he's got until there's nothing. For some reason Jason is like a never ending battery as the power levels keep rising. The black rings fly towards the JLA morgue to people like Maxwell Lord, Alexander Luthor of Earth 3. They Rise and then in the last page. Zombified Maxwell Lord with the rope around his neck, Alexander Luthor, Copperhead, Dr Light and more.

Next: Power Levels 100%

Green Lantern #44, Tales of the Corps #2, Legion of 3 Worlds #5 - First Reviews

2009-07-22T05:26:00.000-07:00

GREEN LANTERN #44

The "second" part of The Blackest Night has arrived in my hands. Taking the story point from the meeting between Hal, Barry and a certain dead Jonn Jonz' aka The Martian Manhunter at the grave of Bruce Wayne.

Basically Jonn is trying to kill them, saying they should both be dead. Jonn fights them but Barry manages to save both he and Hal by running away. Hal tries to communicate with Salaak to warn them of an unidentified power ring but communications are down. Jonn brings down the building Hal and Barry are in, telling them that he's as strong as Superman.

On Oa, A guardian asks Scar why she is doing it whilst they are all on the walls in Black goo like the humans in Alien/Aliens. She says that she is restoring order to the universe and that the manhunters failed, the Green Lanterns failed and there is need for a new army. That chaos will always reign aslong as emotion is made by sentient beings. Yes. Total annhihilation of sentient beings. She says that the black lanterns are collecting hearts made of splintered light and soon it will be HIS turn to rise. She says this as Black Lanterns descend on all the Lantern Corps worlds and all the Lantern Corps are fighting.

One thing is confirmed. Black Lanterns can see the emotional Spectrum and see which person carries which emotion. In the case of Hal and Barry, it's a beautiful panel showing Hal as a green light and Barry as a BLUE Light. Another thing is that the Black Lanterns are not mindless, they seem to be all the negative emotions in their lives.

Jonn terrorizes both Hal and Barry but especially Barry, Barry fights back physically trying to reach down inside of Jonn telling him that they were both cops and used to talk shop, that Jonn was fascinated by Law and Justice. Barry goes all out at Jonn but not realizing that he's actually fighting Hal. I'm not sure if Black Lanterns can mess with people's minds or if it's just Jonn's telepathy. As far as the negative emotions things. Jonn starts talking about justice and how there was no justice for his wife and kid or his murderer and that Justice is dead. So the Black Lanterns also seem to be negative, death in mentallity, morose in thought. Jonn throws Hal into the air against the backdrop of the bat signal whilst he throws Barry into a sewer.

On Xanshi, John is reflecting over his recent meeting with fatality about accepting forgiveness, he tells himself that he's trying - when Black Rings fly towards him. The Dead of Xanshi shall rise.

Honestly, the big guy, the one behind everything. I am calling it now, though I called it a few months ago - Krona.

Doug Mahnke is a capable artist, he is a good choice to take over the now legendary reigns of Ivan Reis. He's grown a lot as an artist over these past 2-3 years, his stuff on Superman Beyond 3D was some of the best stuff in recent times. His Hal Jordan is quite brilliant, Iconic. I'm looking forward to what he does during The Blackest Night and beyond.

THE BLACKEST NIGHT - TALES OF THE CORPS #2

There isn't much happening in this issue. There are origins for Bleez - the female Red Lantern with wings and Blume the Godhead - Orange Lantern. Blume is that big thing that eats everyone that ends up replicating their identities for Larfleeze to use as constructs. The story everyone will want from this is how Carol became a Star Sapphire again and honestly you won't expect what you read. Apart from these stories it's info pages showing the corps like Blackest Night #0. Red Lanterns, Agent Orange and Star Sapphires

Bleez was once the most beautiful woman across 'seven' sectors of the universe. She came from a planet called Havania which is second to Odym(the Blue Lantern home planet) in it's beauty. Bleez is courted from all around the universe. Dudes basically rock up and are like "yo, want to get married" she's like "fuck off idiot!" much to the annoyance of her mother who wants grandchildren, much like Raymond's mother on TV. Bleez has a frog who is her assistant who is real nice but really he's a slave and she makes him feel that way, she isn't mean but does remind him he's a slave. The frog dude tells her she has another suitor but Bleez is not interested because guys only want to bang her and are interested in the real thing. Curiously, I find it odd that she looks like Megan Fox. But with wings and like a pale blue skin. Pale blue skinned, winged Megan Fox. I just made a shitload of cunts blow their loads. Anyway, frog dude tells her that her mother wants her to meet this new dude who is 'tall' and that he cannot argue. She tells him that he cannot argue because he is a slave and he is not free. She flies off to the Narnia castle where she meets her mother who tells her that she has a suitor who wields a great power and who is 'tall', Bleez is not interested, but the dude comes out and it's a Sinestro Corps Soldier, he kills the mother and takes Bleez as a prisoner on Ranx the sentient city. Bleez is basically made to be a sex slave for Sinestro Corps soldiers. The sinestro soldier taunts her because on her world she would spit on him because he couldn't fly but now he can and he breaks her wings. It all seems to be about to go like that Jodie Foster movie where she is done on a pinball machine but Ranx is attacked, presumably by Green Lanterns. Noting that she sees a hole in Ranx, she escapes and finally understands the meaning of freedom. The sinestro dude follows her and kisses her in space until a red ring selects her, she vomits that plasma stuff in his mouth, he burns. She turns into a Red Lantern and slits his throat. And they all lived happily ever after. Some nice drawings and a cool story, the Megan Fox Red Lantern splash is the panel from the story.

The Blume story is a trippy one by Peter Tomasi. That big head is some sort of god that goes around to planets and threatens the people with destroying the planet unless they feed him what they value most. He eats the valuables of an entire planet - gold, jewels, all that material stuff. And then spares the planet since they have nothing left anymore. He continues on until he gets to a planet and the people start offering them their babies since they are poor in resources but rich in spirt and their babies are their most precious things. Blume is pretty thrown out by this and thinks fair enough and takes the children. He starts to leave but then says how he has seen that "precious" is in the eye of a beholder and that he can be merciful. He then leaves the babies and leaves the planet, saying that sometimes a God has no use for some things. Then he makes it all the way to Sector 66 to the planet Okarra - homeworld of Agent Orange. He does the same thing. Threatens Larfleeze to give him everything he values. Larfleeze says the same thing. and has him consumed. He turns into a construct and is now a pat of Agent Orange and Larfleeze jumps on top of him and says "mine."

As for the Carol Ferris story, she's flying a plane the day before The Blackest Night begins. The ring enters the craft and chooses her, Carol is having none of it but expects it to take over her, except the ring just floats there, doing nothing. Carol doesn't get it and says "well?" and the ring says it is waiting for her acceptance. Then Carol goes on how she doesn't get it since every few months it comes out of nowhere and turns her into a psychopath who tries to kill her ex boyfriend. The ring says things are different now and stuff about love conquering all, that she has a hole in her heart and to let the ring fill it. Carol denies this. Then it goes on to show her life, her love of Hal, learning about loss with Hal's father and how her father never forgave himself.

Basically it shows how much her life has been of sacrifice, and how much she has sacrificed for love. That in the end she does love Hal Jordan. She is meant to lead the star sapphires in order to help the Green Lanterns during The Blackest Night. She sees a vision of the future war of light, looks like Hal, Sinesto and Arkillo being attacked by Red Lanterns above a cemetary. The ring tells her she is willing to sacrifice anything to help true love and her love is threatened. She is manipulated and gives in because she loves Hal and wants to help him. Then it's revealed it was Queen Aga'po talking to her on Zamoron whilst an aide informs her the Sinestro Corps is on their way. But the queen says to let them come since love conquers all.

Great story for how Carol became a Star Sapphire again but interesting to note she seems like she'll be the Ion/Parallax of the Star Sapphires.

At the end of the issue there's a two page section on the Lantern symbols by Ethan Van Sciver who designed them. He goes into detail on each one, the origins, design style etc.

LEGION OF 3 WORLDS #5

Well it finally comes to an end. The Final Crisis mini series that has nothing to do with Final Crisis. Honestly Didio, just trying to siphon money out of a shitty event by slapping the name on it is just pathetic. Anyway, the issue is here, things are meant to be resolved, a cool story in the process is meant to happen and so far Johns has done this.

The delays have been irrelevant, this has been for the most part a self contained story, self contained to Legion stories. I'm not the most knowledgable guy in Legion-lore. But I know the jist, all the continuity fuck ups and reboots over the years(this is DC, it's normal) haven't really done much for Legion but of course Johns comes in and rescues it all. Though does something I don't like.

The issue itself starts with what we knew before, the time trapper is an older superboy prime. They all fight, all the legions. Superboy (Conner) and some of the legion fight Prime on Earth, some of the legion fight Mordru in Metropolis, and the Cosmic Boy, Saturn Girl, Lightning Lad and Superman fight time trapper/prime at the end of time. All the reboots and time travel has made the time trapper unkillable, he cannot be killed from creation. Apparently he knows the future too, and the war they've been fighting - the legion lose. However a scar from Conner on Superboy Prime creates itself on the time trapper meaning time is not set. Somehow the 3 legion at the end of time summon a shitload of legionnaires, including some old continuity ones. They all use their power on time trapper/prime who ends up knocked out. The 3 legionnaires see their past silver age self and tell them to never quit. Supes and the legionnaires take Time trapper/prime back to Earth in front of Superboy Prime. Both are shocked and superboy primer being a child starts arguing with time trapper/prime because he wouldn't wear a beard in the future, this causes Superboy-Prime to punch tim trapper, erasing both. The coolest thing about this. A four panel sequence of Superboy Prime being undone First a normal panel of his face, then just inked as a comic drawing, then just pencilled, till finally being a sketch. Metatext at it's most amazing.

Supes is glad to see Conner. Then back on Earth Prime, Superboy-Prime ends up in front of his house. He runs in happy only to see Lori run away in fear and his parents asking if he did 'this'. His dad - no shit- proceeds to hold up a copy of LEGION OF 3 WORLDS #5 the same fucking issue I had in my hands. He lives in a post crisis modern Earth Prime where they have the same comics. His parents tell him they know everything his been up to - one the dinner table - copies of Legion of 3 Worlds, Infinite Crisis #4 and FUCKING Green Lantern #25 the final Sinestro Corps War issue. Amazing.

Back to the legion - they all repair earth and then Brainiac the Action Comics one reveals the the Mark Waid/Threeboot Legion is from Earth Prime. How this makes sense I don't know, I liked the idea of Superboy being the only person with powers, but then for the future to have a Legion is just weird. Should have been another Earth Johns. Makes the past irrelevant. Now suddenly Earth Prime isn't so special anymore.

Sodam Yat becomes the new moral compass for Green Lantern rings and sends them out across the universe, restarting the Green Lantern Corps. The final panel for Green Lantern? "Scanning Space Sector 2814" "Sentient found".

The legions all go their seperate ways into different universes. The 90's Legion will travel the multiverse, whilst the Threeboot/Waid Legion will go back to Earth Prime.

Superman takes Conner and Bart back to Titans Tower much to the happiness of everyone.

Then it cuts to Superboy-Prime asking for a grilled cheese sandwich whilst being down in the basement reading the same issue we're reading.(the metatext comes full circle huh? he was always the angry silver age fanboy).

Next page has him reading the page before, he throws it at the reader and then sits down at his computer saying that they think he's powerless and he can't do anything from where he is. He goes on the DC Universe Forum, no shit, the one I actually go on. And he says he'll always survive. maybe a written metatext of the reader keeping him around by talking about him?

I don't know but the whole DC comics thing with the modern comics is genius and then to go on this thread on this forum!

Full Scan

Semi Full Scan.

The Real forum

Superboy-Prime uses a Mac. I always knew he was a cunt.

The Blackest Night #1 - Review, Musings, Thoughts, Death.

2009-07-22T04:09:00.001-07:00

Woah.

So it's here. THE BLACKEST NIGHT has come. The most anticipated comic event that I can remember has arrived with a grasp at your heart. The third part in Geoff Johns' Trilogy that is interwoven in his epic saga doesn't disappoint. The Blackest Night is Geoff Johns' Return of the King(Ok he said Return of the Jedi, but Return of the Jedi is a disappointment), Rebirth was Star Wars, the mighty Sinestro Corps War was his Empire Strikes Back and The Blackest Night might have been the unmade Return of the Jedi directed by Spielberg.

I had a few issues to catch up to before The Blackest Night began, which is a shame since I wanted to be the first reviewer on the event I have been going apeshit over for 2 years. 2 years. Almost 2 years since we saw that brutal teaser at the end of Green Lantern #25 that was better than most movie teasers. The Teaser that showed Black Rings, and that The Dead Shall Rise.

Everyone knows I'm a Green Lantern fan. I would promote Sinestro Corps War on aintitcool whenever I could till I lost my password. Ha. Sinestro Corps War is the greatest superhero story ever written. End of Story. It's the best Star Wars story since Empire Strikes Back. Just epic, adventurous, grandiose, fun, heroic, magical. Since it ended and everyone has been jerking off in anticipation of The Blackest Night we've gotten brilliant issues leading up to it within Green Lantern and Green Lantern Corps. The War of Light started, the different Corps rose.

It's all exciting, the little differences in all the corps, how they function, how they come to be. How Johns manages to bring old continuity into it (the Manhunters and Sector 666). Ahh, Green Lantern has been the best book of the decade. It's just a joy reading. In regards to The Blackest Night, what I gathered from reading over the past 2 years is that a War of Light would erupt between the various Corps and then the Black Lantern Corps would come out of nowhere and fuck them all up. Since then the main theories - which seem that they might come true - are that the Green Lantern Corps and the Sinestro Corps will have to team up, that the Guardians will get what has been coming to them and that Hal will become a White Lantern. Hal being exposed to virtually all the Corps seems to ascertain that fact.

The Blackest Night falls from the skies...

...the darkness grows as all light dies...

...we crave your hearts and your demise...

...by my Black Hand--The Dead Shall Rise!

What an oath. Eerie. I thought it would have started with "In Blackest Day, In Blackest Night" and gone from there, but it's still a great oath.

By the start of the issue itself. The Black Hand has killed himself and made a Black Lantern, but not just any Black Lantern, but their herald and powerful wild card - an equivalent to Ion from the Green Lantern Corps and Parallax from the Sinestro Corps. Scar, that cuntish little Guardian who was scarred by the Anti Monitor has been playing everyone all along and set up the coming of The Blackest Night.

It's a worldwide memorial day for fallen superheroes and soldiers, doctors etc, originally the day of mourning for the death of Superman. A fitting day for The Blackest Night. Superheroes everywhere are mourning other heroes - Aquaman, Ted Kord, Ronnie Raymond etc - Alfred goes to see Bruce Wayne's grave when he realizes it's been broken into and his skull has been stolen. What I love about this issue is the multiple storypoints, everything creeping slowly, the sense of death coming. Everything is building, the various memorial gatherings, juxtaposed with the uncertainty on Oa where the armoured shell protecting the planet is shattered and now Oa is exposed. Basically Alfred going nuts to Hal and Barry about Bruce's missing skull kicks things into gear. It goes to the Guardians realizing they have failed, that Ganthet was right all the way back in Sinestro Corps that The Blackest Night cannot be prevented, it can only be confronted. This is shown by the Guardians observing the various corps in battle across different sectors of the universe. Star Sapphires engaged against the Sinestro Corps on Zamaron - Mongul doing his thing - the lost Lanterns on Ysmault fighting the Red Lanterns whilst trying to retrieved the body of Laira(you know where this is going) and the Blue Lanterns engaged against Agent Orange(which if you don't know, Blue Lanterns might be the most powerful of the many corps, but they're useless without a Green Lantern nearby). The guardians accept their failure and issue a code black to call back all Green Lanterns back to Oa, no doubt to set up a plan and fuck up shit. But Johns writes these event comics like a big blockbuster movie and the moment that Scar says that they will never receive their call for help because it will never be made, you can just imagine it as a movie. That's where everything goes to shit and whilst it's towards the end of the comic, the set up is so perfect that the pay off is excellent, especially knowing this has just started. That feeling of being let down after Final Crisis #1 and saying "ahh, it's just the setup, it will pick up next issue" - not here. It's started. And it's started with a low drone of death.

The chaos of the Green Lanterns not knowing what to do after the breakdown of Oa, no explosions, they're just standing there, no orders, not knowing what's going on, what to do etc. And then the black rings fly by them into the Green Lantern crypt. The guardians getting owned by Scar and harvested like the humans in Alien/Aliens by the xenomorphs. Then that two page spread of the Black Rings flying all across and giving rise to the dead whilst Hal and Barry check out Bruce's grave. Then that double page spread. The excellent reactions of Salaak, Kilowog, Kyle and Guy who can't believe their eyes with Guy mouthing "what the fuck?" as the Black Lanterns "Rise" before them. Fucked up, mummified, death entrenched fallen Lanterns.

To see Ralph and Sue Dibny turned to perverted Black Lanterns is pretty shocking, sure Identity Crisis had the whole thing of breaking apart the most loving couple in the DCU thing, but here to turn them into Black Lanterns who kill and rip out the hearts of Hawkman and Hawkgirl(first they smash Hawkman's face - including leaving the side of his face ripped open - brutal). To have that loving couple become...those things. I don't think it's fucked up from Johns, just that this couple who were the loving couple of the DCU, the heart if you will, being brought back in death just shows how broken everything is.

What's excellent and scary about this title is that superheroes are not just facing death, but real fear, confronting grief, which may be the worst thing one can feel. Knowing that Kyle will have to face Jade, a zombified Jade no less will sure be interesting. And if Hal has to face his ultimate fear and hero - his father. Forget it. What would you feel in such a moment.

The stakes are really high in this, the tension, that sense of dread that Final Crisis was missing is in here. In Sinestro Corps, the tension came from the fact Green Lanterns couldn't kill, you kept thinking "holy shit, what are they gonna do? They're fucked!". But the Guardians were all right, they knew shit was fucked but they had it under control. Here, the Guardians are taken out. I have a feeling this event will leave a real lasting effect on the DCU. All I can say is I'm not disappointed, I'm blown away. Hopefully I will continue to be blown away.

And I don't know if I'm mistaken but did bzzd the fly lantern actually die? I don't remember. Apparently it was Green Lantern Corps #26, which was a while ago. He was awesome. The little dude with the willpower of a planet....And now he's a Black Lantern.

Also I like what I will christen "Hamlet Black Hand", that final page with Black Hand holding Bruce's skull(in effect holding the skull of the ultimate brutal hero, he holds it in his hands) over the bodies of Hawkman and Hawkgirl. The Shakespearean-esque character of Black Hand, and the visual style - well that just adds to it.

As for the visual side -

Ivan Reis is a genius. He is one of the best storytellers in comics. You can be a great artist but being a great storyteller can get you that much more involved in what are surely some of the best comic stories ever written. This guy is incredible. That double page spread of Salaak, Kilowog, Kyle and Guy seeing the Black Lanterns is simple but so effective. The first page of Hamlet Black Hand in front of Bruce Wayne's grave, the detail. Incredible. The 00's in comics will be marked by the genius of Ivan Reis amongst other guys like Alex Maleev and Bryan Hitch - their artwork will be remembered as part of this decade. That double page spread of Hal showing Barry all the fallen Heroes - beautiful.

I still have problems with the title. I don't like "Blackest Night", I like "The Blackest Night", like it was originally called. Like it had in the teaser. It sounds more epic, this sounds like Didio just being a dumb cunt. Sorry Didio, but "The Lord of the Rings" sounds epic as does "The Blackest Night", it was called THE BLACKEST NIGHT continuously throughout Sinestro Corps. So explain it to me why it's now called just "blackest night". It's a little thing but it makes a big difference.

And I still have problems with Didio. We all know that The Blackest Night was never meant to be a miniseries, it was always purely a story going to be told within the pages of Green Lantern. Sinestro Corps War was never marketed properly, it was a word of mouth hit(DC was too busy promoting Countdown - fuck me - worst comic series of past 20 years?). Didio never realized what he had, and this is confirmed in the sales results report on CBR detailing Sinestro Corps War special. Once Didio realized how much everyone liked it, it was "ahh Green Lantern this, Green Lantern that ahh". So how did I know he was going to meddle with it. Once he knew that there were people jerking off in anticipation to THE BLACKEST NIGHT, he turned it into a mini series, showing the whole DCU, never mind that it's a Green Lantern thing. He exploited it, all cash, turned it into a mini series so anyone could get into it. He changed the name to "Blackest Night". It's business sure, but it pisses me off. Now Johns has to cater to the DCU rather than it being just purely a Green Lantern story. It's great, no doubt, but that's thanks to Johns. I still wonder however, if Didio cared in the first place, whether we'd see this epic saga just in the pages of Green Lantern. And what that story will be. As long as it stays mainly with the Green Lanterns then all is ok.

But really, he just doesn't get it, does he? If the reason everyone was excited was because it was good then why not just let Johns do his own thing? Why would you fuck it up when people were excited about the story, but nooooo you just had to exploit it huh? Ahh end of Didio rant.

Yes. It's better than Final Crisis #1.

In Blackest Night...

FINAL CRISIS # 7 - FIRST REVIEW / RECAP

2009-01-28T01:17:00.000-08:00

Written by Grant Morrison
Art by Doug Mahnke
DCU Rape by Dan Didio

Boy, are you fucks going to be pissed.

Superficially - no answers, more questions, more confusion.

First off so people read this. It's important.
Didio. It's called THE BLACKEST NIGHT, not BLACKEST NIGHT. Sounds more epic that way. People have been calling it The Blackest Night for months now, it's in the last fucking page of Sinestro Corps War, it's been called The Blackest Night on message boards everywhere, on wikipedia, stop being a fuck - call it 'The Blackest Night'. And it's a Green Lantern story, why do I want to see stories from non Green Lantern heroes in the main series. Fuck you are such a corporate cunt. You figure that you fucked up with Amazons Attack and that Sinestro Corps War was successful that you want to ride off the hype from it by milking it and changing it. Sinestro Corps War was successful and the hype for THE BLACKEST NIGHT is huge, so why not just do the same thing and let it be? Don't you realize that story is the reason it was successful? Why not let Geoff Johns do his thing, write a good story and even if you market it as a DC event, just let him do his thing. Because like a corporate cunt you want to milk it in the biggest possible way. This is why Marvel always beats you in everything. Fuck you.

Anyway, to Final Crisis # 7. What the fuck? You know, I didn't hate it. However I am completely confused and I wasn't one of those "I don't know what the fucks going on" dudes, but now I am. This issue isn't a mindfuck where you had to think like Superman Beyond was, this is more like "what the fuck?". There is no explanation on anything.

Seriously this is going to piss alot of people off, a few will drop DC Comics because of this issue and again many will call for Didio's head. But it will all be for the superficial things. Like the fact Darkseid ended up doing just about nothing in this series, that he really was not shown as the big ultra evil we were expecting, some people would say "but he controlled everybody and broke reality" but the scope wasn't there. He came and he went.

That sketchbook we all bought is fucking useless because just about none of the shit in there shows up. So all that lead time JG spent that some some apologists are using for the fact he was a slow penciller - is stupid because it was a waste of time.

And the multiverse itself is not really resolved, the future isn't set for the DCU or DCM.

This issue screams editorial incompetence. It should never have been called Crisis to begin with. This should of been something that Grant Morrison could do over time with a single artist. Maybe a graphic novel? Maybe DC didn't like his original plan and made him rewrite it.

The fucking epic "Heroes Die. Legends Live Forever" tagline makes absolutely no sense. Unless it means that Heroes always win, but either way, it's a letdown. I expected something that would set my balls on fire it would be that awesome. I really, really wish that original theory that the DCU was going to die and the main heroes were going to die and become New Gods from Earth 1 and the sidekicks would ascend to main hero status, whilst these New God heroes would live out of continuity. Nothing like that.

Final Crisis is just an exercise in Masturbation, Masturbating ideas, any ideas. That will have no effect on the DCU line, will be swept under the rug as if it never happened. It's not even going to be like people say, that Geoff Johns will have to come in and clean the mess. He doesn't have to. There are no changes, it won't make a difference. Everyone at DC and everyone who reads it will just forget about it, as if nothing happened and move on. Now I'm starting to think I just really didn't like this series, that it was a waste of money. All this talk of setting up the DC Universe for the next few years? Bullshit. No fucking difference.

Fucking hell, I was so excited for this, I imagined one of the most epic things ever. It's not as disappointing as Episode 1, but still disappointing. The fact that it won't make any difference within the DCU should of been enough to let DC do what Grant Morrison originally intended and just call it an Elseworlds book or something. They would of been better off releasing something good which means nothing than something shit that doesn't make any difference. Thinking like this is what makes Marvel take 50% of the retail market. Yes, they're smarter than you DC.

The art itself is mediocre. How? You say. If you remember my Superman Beyond #2 review, you'd note that I said Doug Mahnke is going to be a superstar, and I still believe that. His art in that issue was incredible. But here, rush job. Not his fault. But fuck you can see the difference, you can see he was put under pressure because the heads at DC don't know what the fuck is up, or that rumor about Didio fucking everything up cos of pussy is true. Whatever, it isn't the prettiest art. The detail isn't there. Some panels are pretty good, some are pretty bad, not Infinite Crisis #7 bad, but somewhere in that ballpark. And jamming so much into one comic, not allowing the story to flow. Stupid fucking idea. I guess I was right a year ago. Seven issues is too short. So to all those who said it will be enough, fuck you. You were wrong.

Ohh and the storytelling after reading it again - either I just don't get it, or it's bad storytelling. I think it's the latter. Sorry Mahnke.

Honestly, thank God it's over. Or thank Darkseid it's over.

Now here's a semi detailed Recap of the Issue - Plus a final page which will make you go...what?

--------------------------------------
SPOILERS -

Recap - MASSIVE SPOILER AT END WITH PICTURES.

Look at the previews on Newsamara for the first pages.

A black Superman who is president, obviously an allusion to Barack Obama meets Wonder Woman who has a Wonder Horn to be used at the end of everything. The horn opens up a hole which has The Question, Captain Marvel and Supermen of the multiverse in it, they're here to pick up the Superman of this Earth.

On the Watchtower (which reading again now seems to be fused with the Fortess of Solitude), someone narrates and talks about the crumbling world and how the Metal Men of Earth 44 went berzerk in their magnetic field, causing them to commit technocide. And that they wrecked the trophy room and mementoes were lost forever. The person narrating is Lois Lane and she says that they what remained into a rocket. Including the last edition of the Daily Planet with the story of Supoerheroes, the story of the people they loved. The story of the death of Batman and how a man had fatally wounded the God of Evil. And that someone, somewhere will read the story of the Final Crisis.

Some heroes on the watchtower fight the Metal Men of Earth 44. Until Luthor and Sivanna arrive with a weapon and disable them. The rocket is sent out of the watchtower with mementoes like the bat signal and Superman's cape.

Next page, Superman - holding Batman's body. "Darkseid." Darkseid says that Supes turned his back and he wrecked his world. That all his friends, enemies and lovers are him. One life that is Darkseid. In a freaky close up of Darkseid, he sayd "will you be the enemy of all existence then? What Irony that will be, son of Krypton. HAHAHAHAHA!"

Superman grabs Darkseid by the throat. Darkseid prod Superman to kill him, to kill a foe made of people. Supes recognizes his DNA in horror, and that of all the people he could of chosen like Batman, he chose Turpin. Darkseid says he would have resisted longer than he wanted. Darkseid orders the humans he controls to kill Superman who swarm him. Darkseid says that if Supes kills him, he kills everything.

Darkseid grabs the soul killing gun and says it is over. And if he is ready to join Batman. If he can outrace the Omega Sanction. Supes, being the eternal hero says that maybe he won't have to, he didn't get all of them "It's not over yet".

Then The humans look back and the Flashes comes out of nowhere, running as fast as they can, Black Racer on their tail.

Darkseid is aiming to kill. But the Flashes are racing towards him, for some reason Omega Beams chasing them(I don't remember this). The Flashes go into superluminal velocity. The bullet fires past Superman(not made clear, is behind him but he's alive rest of issue), Supes sees Barry. Darkseid sees the Black Racer in shock "no. not you." The flashes race through Darkseid, the Omega Beams hitting Darkseid. The Black Racer saying in cool large Black speech balloons "I come to all! Even You!"

Next Panel, Aquaman fighting the deep six. One third of the page sized panel. Apparently he was prophesied to return in his people's greatest need. That's it. No explanation. Just a small dodgy panel of him and the deep six, which you could not even tell since only two of them are shown. HAHAHA. All those people looking forward to it. Sorry.

The people Darkseid controlled are knocked out. Darkseid is on his knees vomiting blood. For some reason Lois narrates "This is the story of the last superheroes." "And the machine they made to save the world.

Next panel is Superman and Supergirl designing something in the watchtower. People talk and say it's an omni computer. Something that can calculate the life equation. A sort of cell phone to the gods. I think this scene jumps straight into a future time, and the rest of the final crisis is seen as a flashback.

Wonder Girl says that Superman found a way to think and bottle the whole universe for protection. A bunch of people work on this 'weapon' including Luthor and Sivanna who speculate it can rewrite the laws of physics.

Next page, Checkmate unleash the omacs who fight the Justifiers. Most likely flashback and the rest too.

Both Atoms are in the bleed(I think) Ryan says that the beacons in place but the tunnel between universes can't take these stresses.

The Black Gambit is failing as Lord Eye starts shutting down, Justifers are in Checkmate killing everyone.

In the JLA watchtower above space(now not broken? space is normal around them, or is a different watchtower) A barely conscious Black Canary floating, tells Ollie she thinks they did it. That Ray made it. As from the Watchtower she sees the circuit of Metron on the planet.(this was badly drawn, i didn't see it till now).

At checkmate the japanese heroes hold back the Justifiers next to a stargate(into the next universe). Someone screams the tunnel's collapsing and everybody out. Though it isn't made clear that they are going into it, or need to go out of it.

The JLA Watchtower starts falling to earth? I think.

Then cuts to a panel that is in the future of Supergirl telling Children a story of two whole universes shearing apart, But for some reason part of her gold lines are red so I thought it was that Nazi supergirl. It's just a mistake but it had me confused.

The Japanese heroes try and say their feeling as Lord Eye breaks down and reality shatters(in a really shitty style, just looks like the room is catching on fire). Hawkman says people will die if he doesn't stop Brother Eye. Everything is confusing. Then BOOM.

Next page. What still seems like a flashback is Renee Montoya saying that when Earth zero(formerly New Earth) fell into the abyss, mister miracles motherboxx secured a boom tube for everyone to escape to another universe. Panel below it, Kamandi standing in ruins of New York, people in front of him. For some reason there are solo bubbles(not connecting to anything) in this panel that says "looks like you missed a hell of a party sonny sumo" I don't know who is saying that, if the japanese heroes are in this Kamandi earth now? confusing.

Next panel has the Superman in the vessel talking with Renee, specifically Overman - all who are going back to Earth Zero. Next panel has Overman holding his cousin's body in a ruined earth(flashback? or a future scene?)

Next page, back to Darkseid and Supes. Superman tells Darkseid that john Stewart found the bullet he fired and Batman used it, so it was suicide. The furies come out the side, ready to attack Superman. Behind Superman, the armies of Libra comes out. Headed by Luthor and Sivanna. Superman is surrounded. Luthor says that the odds are against him and he's in charge of an army of mind controlled supervillains(captain cold, human flame are there). This is the last Panel of Darkseid in a body,he's just in front of Superman. That's it. He doesn't even wear the Omega suit! He's still in jeans! Seriously, how hard do you think Marvel will be laughing? "Their biggest villain, shows up, controls everyone, loses control of everyone, and disappears wearing jeans".

next panel, cut to Supergirl and Wonder Woman continuing the 'story' of what Superman did. Wonder Woman tells of how she was first introduced to Frankenstein.

Next panel. a flashback i guess. Frankenstein and his big dog grab wonder woman and he chops off a hunger dog's head. Supergirl knocks down giganta. Lois explains that moticoccus, the god bacterium was designed to strip earth's heroes of their powers(thank you countdown for fucking this up harder) but it had no effect on a living dead man and the villains had been innoculated. The villains take on the furies(very small panel) Then luthor tells Supes that this is the first historic team up of the forces of "good" and the forces of "bad" and he'll take credit for the win. Superman says "whatever you say Lex".

Next panel flashforward - is Superman, Wonder Woman and Supergirl in some room using a machine that is shooting a beam to a sort of container with people. Supergirl says it all feels so long ago and asks what happened to Luthor. Wonder Woman says that what used to be time is slowing to a stop. So I assume they're trying to do something before the end. Basically saying Luthor isn't important. Then next panel is Wonder Woman looking over small trays and says "the last survivors preserved on trays in a freezer". Supergirl says that everything feels broken and there has to be a way to fix it and the first thing she's going to do is find the guys who went to defend the east wall.

Cut to a panel of Frankenstein, Liberty belle, Supergirl, that spanish dude in a mech suit, powergirl and someone i don't recognize charging at Justifiers.

Next panel - flashforward(yes, it's fucking confusing until i got it's told as a story but that only happened somewhat into the comic). Superman holds Lois telling her that he'll restore her when it's all over. brainiac 5 allowed him to look at the miracle machine for a few seconds and he tried to memorize every nut, bolt and circuit.

Then the next panel is fuzzed as if a TV connection was cut, Lois says he'll get a big kiss when she's back from the fridge. There is no explanation of the shrinking miracle machine shit. It's just told to you that they do it, but never explain it, never show what they end up doing with the shrinking. Just show the aftermath and accept it. Fuck.

Next page, flashback, I think but this is the most confusing part. It has Wonder woman looking at her Fury(is that the singular term?) mask like in the previous issue where some people debated whether she was questioning what she was doing. Well same thing again but without explanation, she's normal, looking at the mask, no crazy eyes or wrinkles. She crushes it. Then next Panel she's just above the infected humans unleashing her lassoo, with red lightning around. Lois says It was Wonder Woman who bound Darkseid's body. With her lasso of truth, she chained the god of evil. And no one was Hurt. In the panel the infected people look as if they're choking, obviously waking up from the anti life. But this is one fucking panel. Terrible. really fucking confusing.

Next, flash forward - Superman uses heat vision to complete the miracle machine. One Chance, one wish. Next page. That crazy colors around Darkseid and from Seven Soldiers, happens to be Gods. In this case it's Darkseid who is like a corporeal being with a face. Darkseid says the walls are coming down around him, it's over. Superman says he's right and he's in the final stages of Radion poisoning. His composite body unable to move let alone act. There is no body here, just those colours with a face, kind of Darth Vaderish on Acid.

Next Panel Darkseid's corporeal form eyes, hover in front of Superman and the miracle machine, there's sort of spotty black blood around the eyes, from the top of the panel to the bottom. Darkseid says that he's "constructed a cargo cult motherbox capable of a single operation. How could he ask for a better gift to destroy you with?" Superman says that the multiverse vibrates together. And it makes a sound like an orchestra. Everything's vibrations. And Counter vibrations cancel them out. Next panel Superman screams or sings music. The Corporal Darkseid break in front of him like glass.

Next panel, the Watchtower exploding. Superman says Darkseid always hated music.

Next page. Superman is in cave like dark place as if hundreds of miles below the earth. He seems to be the only one in the multiverse. He walks towards Metron's chair. He is losing his voice. He sense a heartbeat coming from Metron's chair. He pulls it out from the symbol on his chair and it's Element X. "Fire of the gods. it can take any shape and become the last part of the jigsaw". Superman tells himself he needs to let his vocal cords heal to prepare for cosmic midnight. HE looks as if he's putting the element X into a torch. Then next panel things seem to be breaking above him. I can't tell, either it's the design of the cave, rocks are falling or spirits are forming.(yeah confusing)

Next panel Supes look to the side to hear Mandrakk. Mandrakk says his father failed to save his world and now it's his turn. Mandrakk appears before Supes with Ultraman carrying Supergirl(where the fuck did this come from?). Mandrakk says that the dying god left the universe wounded, broken, defenseless and alone where Mandrakk dwells. At the end of all stories. Mandrakk tells supes to come closer, he wants to eat him raw. blood coming out of his mouth. Wow, I would love to know the thoughts of all those who didn't buy Superman Beyond and don't know who the fuck this Giger Monitor is that comes out of nowhere, hahaha. Grant Morrions saying this is a story for everyone hahaha.

Next panel. Mandrakk drops the spectre and some chick in robes saying he fed on these servants of god, defenders of the universe.

Superman stands indifferent as Mandrakk stands behind him(shows what a heroic badass Supes is, not afraid of anything if he has to do something to save people). Mandrakk says that there is no light, no way to spark his weapon. And that he should die screaming in the arms of his master. Supes says he's had better offers and that he's a solar battery. He'll use it all if he has to, to activate the miracle machine. It powers up.

Next panel. The Green Lanterns see these giant bug like things. Their rings exhausted. Hal says that whatever they are, they are the way in and starts reciting the Oath "In brightest Day" etc.

next panel, the miracle machine is activated. Mandrakk asks what has he done. Supes says he relied on Captain Marvel of Earth 5 to come through. "Look up in the sky".

Next - double page splash of a whole lot of Supermen from the multiverse. Ultraman wants at them, but they all use heat vision on him. Same panel Nix Uotan says that thanks to Metron's intervention, he was free to act as a multiversal monitor.

Next panel. Nix Uotan says he arrived just in time for the last stand of these incredible creatures(superheroes). Nix says that his signal has been received and understood. and that it is between monitors now. The miracle machine was used as a communications device, I assume to call out for help of some kind.

Nix says that Superman stands at his right side and some exiled earth 35 animals he overlooked. A pig, a rabbit and a poodle which he seems to be transforming. Why this is here, I have no fucking idea.

Next panel, Nix Stands in front of Mandrakk with the Superman, the animals, one of which is captain carrot and two other characters I don't know. and "the vengeful angels of the pax dei descend, the army of god!" who the fuck are these cunts? just random characters show up without explanation. Apparently the assemebled Supermen team is so incredible it can only be assembled once against the ultimate enemy. Then he says "Do you hear me? "Let all who worship evil's might..."

then next panel "BEWARE MY POWER! GREEN LANTERNS; LIGHT!" The Green Lanterns arrive. Mandrakk says "Nix...Uotan? ...my son?"

So this big assembled group of heroes stand before Mandrakk in about 4 panels...

Mandrakk says how could he be anything else and that with the word Taaru he summons the forever people of the 5th world. The Japanese heroes. But there is no summoning, they are already in this panel. Fuck. Also in this same panel the Supermen are already shooting Mandrakk with Heat vision.

Next panel Ultraman just burns for some reason. andrakk says he saw the book of Limbo and the end was all flames and shadows.

Next Panel Kyle says the rings can't handle it. Guy says they're outta juice. Soranik says they're 24 hours is up. Hal says then that together to give him one last effort. And to Spike this Vampire. Next Panel is a massive Nail/stake going through Mandrakk who is on flames.

Next panel is Nix holding Ultraman's burnt corpse saying the Multiverse has natural defenses none of them could imagine. "no one fucks with the judge of all evil".

next page is Lois narrating again, a Panel shows people helping rebuild, by taking down a Statue of Darkseid and throwing out Justifier helmets. But I don't get this since it doesn't match the Kamandi panel. Lois says that they lived through Ragnarok and fought a God. Survived the bite of a cosmic Parasite. And lost good friends.

Next panel is the Daily Planet staff in Perry's office, Perry reading something. Lois says that the world faces alien invasions, natural disasters in time. And they always recover. Earth always endures. Three small panels. Batman's Mask. A pyramid in Egypt. and Feathers.

Next panel the Watchtower above Earth. Then it pulls back to another panel and it's Earth zero in the Orrery with the Metron circuit over North America. A Monitor says the damage caused to the Orrery by Darkseid's fall is Under repair.

Next page. Nix stands before the Monitors. Nix says that the Germ creatures reestablished the symmetry of the Orrery.

Next panel has a real dodgy Infinite Crisis 7 style panel of The Green Lanterns and the Supermen of the Multiverse carrying an Earth somewhere. The Superman hold Green Lantern chains attached to their backs like a backpack. Nix says he's never witnessed such industry, such intelligence and such passion that drives them.

Next Panel are the flashes in the ruined city holding their loved ones. Nix says passions powerful enough to trigger changes in people like them.

Next panel, Nix advises immediate withdrawel of contact wiht the germ worlds and no further exploitation. A monitor says his concerns are noted and to continue.

Now this is where people are gonna be fucking pissed.

Next Panel has a ruined earth, not sure if it's the survived earth zero that shows people rebuilding or the ruined Kamandi earth. Anyway the ruined city is in the background and Metron floats in fron of a boulder draped with Orion's Astro Harness, beside the boulder a flower sprouting. Nix says that he "now knows why there is a black hole at the base of creation. It's where Darkseid fell through existence to his doom. Leaving Hell Deserted."

Next Panel. The New Gods. Mister Miracle, Highfather, Lightray and Big Barda with their backs towards us in some empty space with the Earth in front of them. The Forever people we saw in the sketchbook uncoloured and really small in front of the New Gods. This same panel has that spotty black blood on it. It has to mean something, I don't know what. That's it for the New Gods.

Next panel. Nix holds a map and says to the Monitors that The New Gods returned to guide the destiny of a New World. And the map he holds he used to reconstruct Earth 51.

Next Panel Kamandi holds Superman's cape, Kalibak's tigers in front of him. Kamandi says he saw the world remade with his own eyes. With pieces of other times, other places. All in a vision he saw in Command-D.

Next panel Nix says Earth 51 lives anew. Repairs were accomplished, time anomalies corrected, coherence and harmony restored(irony ha).

Next page a Monitor says Nix's exile is over and he is invited to rejoin with full honors.

Nix says he will decline such honors as meaningless and there are more important things to attend to.

Nix then walks away(I think) or he's standing with his back towards them. Saying that they almost destroyed the multiverse and it deserves its freedom from their interference. "Make your peace".

Next panel, Weeja Dell stands on a balcony. She says that overvoid draws closer, the hour grows late. Nix says they coudln't make him forget her, she brought him back. She says he sounds different.

Next panel - The panel itself looks as iff something is eating at it, with white behind the panel.Nix says he lived among them and he saw the damage they(monitors) were doing to them and what they'ed have to sacrifice to save them. And he won't forget her. She says "then this really is the last day."

Next panel below it, even smaller, eating away. Nix, holding Weeja Dell says he thinks it is. "The final crisis is ours". She says it was good to have a face and to love and be loved. She asks one last thing, what was superman's wish on the miracle machine.

Next panel even smaller, Nix kisses Weeja on the head and says "He's Superman. He wished only the best for all of us. Close your eyes"

Next panel which is very small, with the page behind white show Nix closing Weeja's eyes and saying "He wished for a happy ending". So what I assume is that Superman's wish for a happy ending, meant there can't be any Monitors.

Page Over, The first panel is Nix with his eyes closed, the Panel larger as if it's reforming.

Panel below it Nix wakes up in shock. The WGBS Radio is on. Saying "with more on those newly discovered parallel worlds and how they could change our lives forveer!"

Panel below it Has Nix woken up in a bed, just like in Final Crisis 1, as if it was all a dream. The radio says "This is one story that's only just the beginning".

"NEW HEAVEN, NEW EARTH"

BEWARE --- BIG MEGA SPOILER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Second last page.

Anthro as an old man, sits in the night in front of a fire. In front of him in the near distance, the rocket that was shot out from the Watchtower. The captions say that Old Man has finished refreshing the stories one final time at the holy ground(where Metron first appeared I assume).

The Caption says he thinks of Metron long ago. Holding a stick of fire.

Anthro paints the Metron synbol on a cave wall. The caption says he has made things with his hands that he first glimsped in his heart(either weapons he saw via the future vision?). The caption says he is filled one last time with a brilliant flame and Anthro smiles at something. Next Panel Anthro passes away on a rock.

Next Panel. Hands drop Batman's Utility belt on top of Anthro.

Next Page. BATMAN IS ALIVE. Bruce Wayne is crouching in front of the fire in shadow topless, with the bottom half of his uniform still on. Drawing the Bat Symbol on the cave wall. The Shadow above him forming the Bat costume shape - the cowl.

End.

No Kamandi on last panel. Or Anthro is Kamandi?

No wonder, Didio said he didn't want to call the presses for Batman's fate. He's alive. So I guess his death was just to bring about Battle for the Cowl.

Hmmm. Where's Monarch?

*(For hellblazerraiser - After you finish waxing your vagina. I suggest you inject yourself with aids you fuckspoon cunt. Tell your mother she shouldn't have raised you like such a pussy. Or she should have swallowed you. Fuckwit)

Like smoke.

But the fire burns forever.

Green Lantern #37 - Review

2009-01-21T10:00:00.000-08:00

The best comic you will find.

*Do not scroll down if you do not wish to see.

OMG!

Superman Beyond #2 Recap/Review/Theories

2009-01-21T00:01:00.000-08:00

* Prepare to be assaulted by epicness to your brain.
** Partial recap, also part review, opinions and theories, feel free to comment on your ideas.

Now this lives up to it's name and the hype. This is the real Final Crisis.

All that mindfuck ultra-epicness of ninja proportions unimaginable is in this book.

I don't get it(not the issue). Final Crisis is so small and rushed yet these two issues, especially this one is so fucking massive. I probably am completely wrong about what happened in this issue but what I get from it is that like Grant Morrison said, the DC Universe or DC Multiverse is alive and lives off the stories written by DC writers. It's very metatextual.

I believe what Morrison gets at is there is a universe where the multiverse exists and in that multiverse are further universes - 52 of them.

In this universe, or multiverse - where there is good, there is evil. And in this specific multiverse there is ultimate good - Superman and there is ultimate evil - Mandrakk. This idea that everything was born from Superman(metatextually the DCU, since Action #1 essentially created the DCU) is still in place. And even more I think(I may be wrong) but within the story Superman was 'created' for this very moment. To save the multiverse and reality. Either specifically this moment, or just be the ultimate hero.

The story itself begins in Limbo with Ultraman having the infinite book and discovering there is an ultimate evil threat. Mandrakk. Superman being the ultimate tough hero there is, sees it as a challenge. I think Mandrakk woke because Ultraman saw him, sort of wishing him into existence in this universe where the monitors live where anything is possible.

Zillo Valla the monitor has has grabbed this team of Superman from across the multiverse helps Billy Batson remember the word. In this scene Overman - the Nazi superman says she's a vampire and he doesn't want her to deceive them any further and she must be killed.

In Limbo a MASSIVE war is happening between the forgotten and the phantom armies who "are yet to be". Captain Atom starts discovering things such as the fact they are so small but they matter greatly. Superman doesn't care, he;ll do anything, he just wants to save Lois.

Ultraman wants to take the Monitor's ship "the Ultima Thule" and use it to let everyone else in the multiverse learn about it. Superman of course says he'll have to go through him first and if they touch, they annihilate each other.

Captain Marvel returns, the Fawcett Marvel. He mentions how the story they saw in the book showed that the monitors had a weapon against Mandrakk. Superman tries to get Captain Atom to help and he starts becoming 'self aware', enlightened to imagination and suddenly he can replicate himself infinitely. He starts to learn that the weapon is a thought robot that activates with massive energy caused by a collison of symmetries. Superman and Ultraman in this case.

All Superman needs is a single drop of refined bleed from the monitor world for Lois and he doesn't care what it takes.

Captain Marvel says how the book said "ultimate evil is ultimate good" "the most despised will save the most beloved" which leads to a cool moment of a giant Captain Atom saying "Hate crime, meet selfless act" and clashing both Ultraman and Superman together. Which leads to a massive unimaginbale big bang type explosion with energy that we couldn't comprehend with only Atom holding the power under control.

It's hard describing this story literally because it comes across as 'metaphysical science fiction poetry'. The weapon is unleashed and it's Superman with the Orrary armor. When Superman wakes, it's epic, it's almost spiritual. He's in another world. A place beyond, space, time, reality. it kind of looks like Gondor and Rivendell from The Lord of the Rings movies mixed together. With a light sand brown hue.

A monitor I believe being Zillo Valla explains that one of the monitors named Dax novu left a living weapon. A thought robot capable of adapting to any threat. A sentinel suit designed to fight the ultimate enemy.

Reading the next parts is fucking my brain. But it is awesome. Superman says he wakens in a body of pure thought. The way it's drawn, it's similar to when Neo becomes one with the Matrix at the end of the movie, like he's ascended to a higher plane. You can hear the electronic synth music as if it were a film. It looks amazing. He looks amazing. The rusty, mechanical almost steam punk look of Superman's sentinel suit. Epic, beautiful stuff. Mahnke is going to be a superstar.

Superman and Weeja Dell walk though a cemetary into a courtyard. This double splash page is a double splash page of awesomeness. Remember in The Two Towers when it shows the future scenes of Arwen mourning the loss of Aragorn. That architecture with the wind and leaves blowing. Similar to that. Fuck, I don't even know how to explain this. Superman talks about how he saw the monitors at the end of the book, the book which holds every book written. Basically this is the final chapter.

Superman says the Monitors were numberless and faceless until exposure to the struggles of human life changed their nature. Superman now massive says poetically about the Monitors "Until narratives formed around them, like crystals in solution. Incredible. I'm walking among primal forms in a fundamental world."

Fuck, this is epic. Everthing I used to imagination about Revelations and how it just wasn't big enough, this takes the cake, this is huge. It's also 'out there'.

The Monitors realize they fucked up, Weeja says how they exiled Nix unfairly. A monitor mentions "how can our judgment be wrong?" Basically nothing makes sense anymore. They realize somehing afoul is afoot. Superman sees bleed is being siphoned towards a monument. "I feel a chill as the story grows into place around me."

The doors open and Superman sees the Orrary of worlds...in a shattered jar. Dying.

Shown on panel are what look like zombie Monitors. One of them mentions how they shunned 'him'. Because he showed their true faces.

It's there where Superman realizes that the entire multiverse is prey to celestial parasites. "Vampire Gods!". A panel shows a monitor with a vampire face upside down holding onto one of the planets in the orrary, they look the same as normal monitors, just with campire like fangs and faces that look like they're on crack. This upside down fuck mentions how they took Nix out of the picture who was the one who could stop them and now his brother(Mandrakk for the stupid) wakes.

The coloring here is beautiful, in fact the whole thing is beautiful but these pages where Superman wears the suit. Amazing.

Superman's dialogue in this is mythic. Lord of the Rings esque, fittingly if it's the Lord of the Rings of the DCU. "This is it. The first outcast rises from reeking shadows of neglect, self-loathing and rage, speaking my name as I speak his" "Mandrakk".

In a full splash page. Mandrakk. A mix between a Monitor, a Vampire and a Giger alien. About the same size as Superman. He is holding the elixir of bleed which superman wants to save Lois. But apparently only monitors can use it. He says all he has to do is take it from him. Of course Superman being the hero he is tells the monitors to get out of there and he'll deal with Mandrakk. It shows again why Superman is the ultimate mythic superhero, why he's beyond Hercules, Jesus or anyone in myth. Because he just doesn't give up and here he is taking on the end of everything, because his wife is in danger and people's lives are in danger. Even if he didn't have the suit, he'd still fight. He has no fear. The way it's drawn, written, I think this New Earth characterization of Superman that Morrison writes is even better than the All Star Superman he writes.

They fight. And I mean they really fight. But Grant Morrison style. In caption Superman yells how he's in a self-assembling hyper story. Yes, the Morrison elements are at their ultimate here. The fight itself is epic, amazingly drawn. Both fight with Energy powers, Supes with his heat vision, Mandrakk with lightning from his hands and white lightning from his eyes. I can't get over how it's drawn, the lightning around Mandrakk with Superman in front of him.

The fight continues with Superman falling to the ground but of course not giving up. It's here that Zillo Valla says that Mandrakk is using them to believe him into existence. But in one of the best most mythic things i've heard in comics, she says that deep within the germworlds(the multiverse worlds) she found a "better story; one created to be unstoppable, indestructible! The story of a child rocketed to Earth from a doomed planet..." Mandrakk destroys her when he starts to realize, that he killed Zillo Valla, his lover. So Zillo Valla was using the Superman to set free or create Mandrakk but then she pulls this idea of the eternal story of Superman. So I don't really get what was happening. But it does hit you how this is metatextual that within this Universe Superman cannot be beaten, his story is myth and unstoppable because that's how it is in our world.

Superman screams at Mandrakk and they fight, Mandrakk blaming Superman. In a panel we see white light(the fight between Superman) basically engulfing the monitor city. The Monitor world or universe is like a place of dreams, where everything from imagination; art, architecture are part of the city.

Supes and Mandrakk continue to fight, destroying everything around them. The stronger Mandrakk gets, the stronger Hulk gets...I mean Superman. Mandrakk tries to get past Superman to destroy the Orrarry but Supes doesn't let him pass. He is more determined about stopping him than anything he's ever done, as if he was meant for this.

Superman starts beating Mandrakk with heat vision when he says that he knows that he is "part of monitor(no grammar error) that felt contaminated by the multiverse". He is Dax Novu, the greatest of the monitors. Supes shoots him off a ledge into white nothingness. It suddenly starts to get into this idea that everything is Monitor, and with Mandrakk thrown off the ledge Monitor forgets Mandrakk.

With Superman victorious, he stands in front of his tombstone, a referential one that may be his one day. A dream of sorts. He incribes his epitah on it. A monitor tells him that the elixir cannot be taken out of their world but Supes says he'll find a way.

Superman seperates from Ultraman and they both fall through the multiverse back into the void where Mandrakk's Destroyer is. And Supes, Overman and Captain marvel set about destroying it's missiles. Sounds simple but I can't even explain how the dialogue works or how it's set. This is some of the most mindfuck shit i've read.

Ultraman plummets into a void with Mandrakk, who promptly corrupts him, turning him into a "Terror Knight" a "vampire superman".

Mandrakk in Gigerish form says the whole of existence is in a book and when he returns, Superman will be at his weakest, and when all hope is lost. He will come, with armies of millions. So what we can take from this is that everything is manipulated and not even Darkseid knows what's coming, at the end of things, mandrakk will show up to completely fuck everyone over.

Back in Metropolis, Superman reappears at the hospital and mentions how they said nothing can hold bleed, but they were wrong. Superman can. he kisses Lois and she's back to normal. She says she had a dream where she saw things, in a deep dark place and saw his tombstone. Where she read the inscription and knew everything was going to be alright. She asks for a pen and paper to write down the dream, Clark promptly goes and gets it, happy that everything's alright.

The final page. The tombstone with the inscription "TO BE CONTINUED".

I wish Grant Morrison wrote the bible, or retconned it. This is much more tighter in ideas and FAAARRR more Epic than that silly Christianity nonsense. A Christian tells you how this will happen in Revelations and that it will be things you can't imagine. Hand them both copies of Superman Beyond and tell them, this is far more epic than your bullshit.

It was fucking hard describing what happens because it will only make sense with the visuals though i'm pretty sure the majority of people will close the book and say "....what?" anyway. The Visuals itself remind me or arty music videos, videos of worlds and images that don't exist. Blown away.

The 3D adds to the scenes where Supes becomes a godlike being with the super suit. It's amazing. I don't understand why this wasn't part of Final Crisis or the story itself, this is even bigger than infinite crisis or COIE, remember that feeling where the scope up to issue 4 was so huge in Infinite Crisis. This is even bigger. In a world where the Ideas of the DCu become real, and rules like Superman being the most important hero of the DCU, the nexus, becomes reality. Amaizng stuff.

I don't know if this clarifies the stuff in Final Crisis, because this seems more 'Crisis' whereas the actual Final Crisis is more about the New Gods. This is the whole reality, multiverse smashing, existensialism we all thought we were going to get. Maybe this didn't have much editorial raping? Either way, this has ideas that seem like they were thought by Alan Moore on drugs that don't exist, whilst having sex with a space goddess in a dimension made of chocalate art.

Also there is no lead in to Legion of 3 worlds. So I assume once Lois is better which happens as Final Crisis is underway, he gets pulled into the 31st century. Poor guy, imagine how tired he is.

Read the whole issue with the glasses, even if only half of it is actual 3D, the colouring and inks jump at you.

I loved this issue. Fucking loved it. Everyone needs to buy it. I can't wait to hear theories, especially the metatextual ones. Doug Mahnke is the next big thing. You just watch.

Big Mandrakk the Dark Monitor.

I am Mandrakk. I am blurry. See me in 3 Dimensions.

I'll be back tomorrow.

2009-01-20T03:33:00.001-08:00

I'll be back tomorrow with a recap/review of Superman Beyond #2 and a Green Lantern #37 review.

Also it's been hilarious reading responses to the Final Crisis #6 review and the issue in general, and people criticizing me(most turned out to be blind Final Crisis followers). To those enjoying my balls out approach, I will be back.

Here's my favorite quote I found today on the greenlanterncorps.com forum

"Final Crisis is awesome. Morrison has written a great story equal to Alan Moore and Jack Kirby." - t67443

No, it isn't sarcastic.

FINAL CRISIS #6 - Review

2009-01-13T23:42:00.000-08:00

The Batman is dead.

Read it again, The Batman is dead.

If you want to see it. Comment. (the Batman pics are at the bottom of the review)

I'm back. Notorious aintitcool talkback superstar messi(now known as messi part II) with the first Final Crisis reviews in the world.

Onto Final Exposition #6.

Final Crisis is a clusterfuck, a mediocre failure. I don't know what went wrong, Editorial mismanagement*(which still keeps going on), rewrites, bad decisions, someone sleeping with someone's wife. Whatever it is, this has pretty much been a lackluster event, even when things seemed to 'kick off' at Issue #4 it still didn't have the oomph that other events had. The whole fact that it was billed as the most epic thing ever since Ninjas were invented, yet turned out to be a rush job just adds another nail to the coffin that is being built for DC. The loud complaints regardless of the few apologists of this series (hello dotdotdot of comicbookresources you cock and the 4th pip you ass**, and hello to the softcocks who run those forums - "children read these forums", no they don't. grow some balls.) are very loud, the reaction is either "not bad" or "meh". Not the reaction you want to "The Lord of the Rings of the DCU".

I also want to say to some people, i'm just cutting the bullshit. I looked forward to this event like nothing before. It sounded so epic, it was talked about as so epic. I really though i'd get the first issue and I would ascend to the heavens. Instead I went "....what?". I really looked forward to it but if at Issue 6 of 7 you are looking for the best in it...well. Kind of says alot about the story.

What I can take that is great from this specific issue and the previous ones are the Ideas. They are Grand. Real mindfuck stuff. I still believe Grant Morrison should have written the bible, or should retcon the current one. Crisis on Infinite Religions. I will get to some of the grand moments such as Metron's appearance but to the issue at hand.

As you will know, reality is breaking, and everything is becoming Darkseid. So essentially he is controlling everything, or everything is dying or becoming deleted or something. Darkseid's whole thing is that he wants power so when he has it all, what does he live for? Half of humanity is subjugated, becoming the voice of Darkseid, he controls them. The other half are desperate to survive.

Thanks to the delays we find out here that this takes place after Superman Beyond and after Legion of 3 Worlds which finishes in a few months (hahaha ohh DC). Brainiac 5 introduces Superman to the God Weapon, the Miracle Machine. A machine that turns thoughts into reality. So a reality warping weapon. Like Franklin Richards but not of child form, but shiny chrome.

I'm kind of getting over just laying out what happens bit by bit so i'll try keep it simpler.

The JLA Watchtower is breached with Justifier Green Arrow and Justifier Black Lightning leading the charge.

The battle of Bludhaven rages with the rag tag team of heroes seeming to get the upper hand. The coolest thing. Tawny Tiger versus Kalibak. Supergirl vs Mary Marvel. Also, congratulations, Mary Marvel is Desaad. Kalibak wants to kill Tawny, Tawny tells him to not let his cultured nature deceive him as "tawny bites". Kalibak proceeds to beat Tawny's head in***(very sad). Freddy Freeman now 'Shazam' knows how to defeat Mary Marvel, grab her and say the word. Tawny Tiger almost dead, rips out Kalibak's guts. Brutal. Kalibak wants help from his Tiger warriors but they only follow the strong and bow down to Tawny. Mary Marvel and Freddy are back to normal(her even with her normal hair etc), Mary purged of Desaad but traumatized, never wanting to say the word again, all Freddy can do is comfort her. With the heroes victorious and the bridge secured. They feel the second wave coming.

At Checkmate headquarters, Mister Miracle explains how the 'circuit'/painting over their faces and that Anthro first painted. Is a letter from the alphabet of the New Gods and means "freedom from restriction", it protects against Anti-Life. With Checkmate down, Mister Terrific explains the endgame. The plan if the superheroes failed and hope was lost(this you gotta listen to).

The second wave ends up being the new Furies.

The japanese heroes talk with low self esteem how none of them have been in a fight. Miracle says that Motherboxxx says Sunny sumo is from a 'lateral reality', somehow Sumo went back in time and then possesed this Sumo's body or something.

So at the Watchtower with the good guys down, Black Canary tries to get some sense into Ollie. Tattoo Man has none of this and suddenly becomes a hero and activates the circuit as they put the helmet on. Turns out it disrupts the other helmets, jams them. An Antidote so to speak to Anti life. However even without the helmets, Ollie and Black Lightning are still infected, infact it seems they think Anti-life is easier. Commentary about ignorance making life easier?

So this is where it all makes sense. How will this change the DCU? How does the multiverse play into it? Answer - Checkmate: Omega. The final intiative that Mister Terrific talks about. In one room, psychics try to cleanse people of anti life, in another - the big gun mystics (zatanna etc) try to contact the spectre for help(how fucking awesome would that be as a good guy ace in the hole). Basically with both Atoms at the front, they will all go into another reality. Renee Montoya is introduced to LORD EYE. Some super duper version of Brother Eye. Basically he and the Atoms will begin a fall into another universe where they will establish the remants of this world into the new one. With Renee leading a Global Peace Agency that controls the new world. So now it makes sense. They don't say it but....Earth 1. That will be the new home of the DC Earth, it leaves this continuity fucked one in shambles, perfect for that supposed last panel of Kamandi. Now this is a great idea and "Crisis" worthy. However there is a problem with this as I will note later.

At the Secret Society, Sivana and Luthor team up, realizing that this is fucked. They both like life. Sivana is pissed that his daughter was given to Anti Life in front of him. Luthor likes life even with it's ups and downs. They plan a sabotage. Sivana says the helmets are mad hatter design and he easily converted his watch to a signal jammer. Luthor mentions they stupidly powered his suit for this "final battle with the superheroes". Massive mistake. Libra confronts Luthor knowing it was him. Luthor's words "impress me Sivana". The Justifiers go down. Luthor tells Libra "I'll show you balance" and blasts him, but there is no body. Sivana mentions it's a classic "haven't heard the last of him". Sivana says that they'll hear his voice as the voice of Darkseid. Though I don't know what they're talking about because they don't show it.

With the flashes, Jay Garrick included, Barry talks about science, light, space, time. How it all becomes one. That beyond the superluminal barrier, matter converts to pure information and he was sent back from that barrier knowing how to stop Darkseid. But he needs Wally's help and they need to outrun the Black Racer whilst at the same time trying to get through the light to get to Darkseid. They are the only ones fast enough to do it. Apparently the Black Racer is also the Black Flash.

******

Now what you've been waiting for. The Fate of The Dark Knight. ------ Do not read if you do not wish to know the fate.

Batman confronts Darkseid in his chamber. Darkseid knows he's there, he wondered when he would show himself. He tells Batman that he should just accept that the Equation is proven...To embrace it. Batman is carrying the Soul killing gun from the Last Rites issues when he was captured by Mokkari and Mister Simyan. He tells Darkseid he shouldn't have killed Orion. Darkseid mentions it was Orion's destiny to fall in the final battle. All the while those crazy light images from Seven Soldiers of Victory( the ones JH Williams III drew) is around Darkseid. Batman tells Darkseid that on the way to killing Orion, he was wounded beyond repair. "A rotten carcass of a god, crawling into the sewer to die".

"I made a very solemn vow about Firearms." "But for you, i'm making a once in a lifetime exception. A gun and a bullet, Darkseid. It was your idea". - The Batman

The bullet is laced with Radion, which all you who have read New Gods comics over the years know is toxic to the gods of the Fourth World and Fifth it seems.

The bullet is the one that killed Orion.

"Little Man." "Can you outrace the omega sanction? The death that is life!" - Darkseid

"Try me." - The Batman

He fires the bullet, Darkseid unleashes the Omega Sanction(now purple). Darkseid is hit near his heart. Kirby dots coming out of his wound.

Batman either accepting his fate or unaware smiles and says his final word "Gotcha." As the Omega Sanction hits him. In the chest and in the head.

Around the world, people go quiet. The Black Gambit/Omega intiative is...initiated. The Green Lanterns can't, no matter how hard they try, get to Earth. Hal says that no matter what, that they'll die trying and they won't abandon their people.

Nix Uotan tells Metron(yes the rubik's cube dude) that he can't coordinate this. That he was exiled to this darkness with these "germ-people" for a reason. Metron siting in his chair, holding the Rubik's cube in an epic white glow tells him that his arrival inaugurates the Fifth World. "The Age of Men as Gods" and that if they breach the bleed wall, they will face a greater menace than Darkseid. (obviously Mandrakk the Dark Monitor). The stuff Metron says is GRAND. I like the way Nix is insecure and Metron does seem like an actual God, appearing to a lesser being, but this being is still big. So what does Metron mean? Well it means that maybe Mandrakk will destroy everything barring Earth 1. But how weird that Darkseid is dead already. or maybe not. Nah no way. He still has to fight Superman doesn't he? And the Age of Men as Gods? Damn, I still wish that epic idea of having all the big guns become true Gods and the sidekicks take over was still in play. But maybe this is the direction Morrison started back in JLA, that the mythic big guns of the DCU are Gods.

Around the world everything goes quiet, the sky bleeds harder, it gets closer to the ground. As the silence goes around, the Fury Wonder Woman yells "Look! Up in the sky..."

Everyone looks up.

Superman is back, destroying everything in his path with Heat Vision(should of been more epic), it cuts straight to him in a panel destroying everything. It should have been a double page epic splash of him returning. Ahhhh....

Anyway Superman is in a rage, destroying everything in his path, a path that leads to Darkseid. The furies are FUCKED. He flies through everything. There is no fighting, he is just flyign towards something in anger. The Furies and the hunger dogs just seem to fly into the air as Superman flies through them. Superman keeps breaking everything down with force and heat vision. A long shot of a destroyed city and it going dark. The world is collapsing into it. The sky is literally falling.

On the Bridge to Bludhaven, the heroes accept their fate. It is the end of the world. The heroes look up and the red skies, lightning and multitude of earths surround them.

Superman comes out of the rubble. Holding the burnt out lifeless body of The Batman.

The Batman is dead.

FINAL CRISIS #6 - HOW TO MURDER THE EARTH

+ I have pictures if you want to see of the final page and maybe I also have Batman vs Darkseid.

To the issue. I quite liked it, towards the end it got more epic and exciting. But there's one more issue left. How do you end it all? Mandrakk hasn't even showed up yet. Darkseid hasn't done anything. So far it's all been talk of grand ideas but little execution. The art isn't epic enough, the scope of earths isn't that big. It just seems like another JLA adventure. The panel that cuts to Superman fucking everything up, the whole thing should of been well handled. And yes with the final page of Superman holding Batman's body. Doug Mahnke should of definitely drawn the whole mini series. Much respect to Doug Mahnke for that final page, doesn't make sense in context how his fate ends up bt a well drawn Iconic page.

Good ideas, ok no, Great ideas. Epic talk. Epic scope in ideas. But sadly not that huge. I would love to talk to Grant Morrison and see what his original concept was, what he was actually thinking of.

Also some solicit bullshit. Darkseid doesn't fight Superman. Darkseid doesn't even wear a shirt in this issue. He wears jeans! Mandrakk doesn't appear. Yeah. Liars. Where is Aquaman fighting the deep six?

Batman R.I.P....What the fuck did that have to do with anything? Nothing. It was a story which makes no sense in context, because you don't even have to read it to go straight into Final Crisis, there is no connection. All I feel is my wallet strangled. Unless it was a bunch of issues made so there is something after Final Crisis. Lame, uninspired, deceptive.

Either way it was a good read, and even though poetically, it would of been nice to see Batman meet his end fighting crime in his own book. This is a decent ending, though I wish it was clear he accepted his fate when hit by the Omega Sanction. In some way I think Batman may return, or moreso Bruce Wayne return in Issue #7 somehow. Or I still have hope that it is all saved with the Silver Age heroes of Earth 1 coming to save New Earth. Which by the looks of it is broken and can't be repaired. Batman truly is a mythic hero, killing Darkseid pretty much, breaking his one rule to save the multiverse.

The scope just isn't that big. Alex Luthor and Superboy Prime trying to restart the universe was HUGE. Superboy Prime basically taking on the DCU was massive. This...nothing. Evil gods manifesting and dying. Darkseid wearing jeans for fucks sake and then getting shot by Batman....not very epic. I don't get it though, in the previous issue, Darkseid was mobile and had his costume on. This time it's as if he still hasn't left the chair.

I can't wait to see how DarkDidio ruins The Blackest Night. ****

Also please address this rumor that Jim Lee will be drawing the opening One-Shot of The Blackest Night. Like Ethan Van-Sciver did with Sinestro Corps War.

*How does it keep going on? That dumb cunt DarkDidio being typical corporate shite. They failed to promote Sinestro Corps War, then they realized it may very well be the greatest superhero story ever but it was too late. Now in hindsight they realize it, so how do they fix it? milking it of course. The event was called "Green Lantern: The Blackest Night" but no, DarkDidio ruler of Apokalips saw $$$ and decided it needed to be a company wide event so now it's "The Blackest Night". No matter that now it won't be Green Lantern centric with Hal, Kyle, John and Guy the main heroes. Fucking hell the stuff this guy does makes me sick. What a cunt. And he wonders why Marvel always beats DC. Wake the fuck up cockhead.

** The 4th pip once epicly said "and what Marvel is doing with Captain America, Iron Fist and Daredevil is just what DC did with Reign of the Superman, Azrael and Kyle Rayner" - What a lost cunt. Cap, Iron Fist and Daredevil are 3 of the best comics you may ever read. Yeah i'm talking about the Ed Brubaker, Brubaker/Fraction and Bendis, Brubaker runs.

*** I like Tawny.

**** I'm disappointed to know that DarkDidio WILL ruin The Blackest Night. It's the comic event EVERYONE is looking forward to. And he knows it now. Before he had his head stuck up his ass with the crap they were putting out (Amazon's Attack! What the fuck was that!) that he completely overlooked Sinestro Corps War, which is even in respect to Watchmen. The Greatest Superhero Story ever. The best Star Wars story since Empire Strikes Back. Never before have I read something so exciting since I read The Lord of the Rings. Then people went fucking ballistic when that cinematic teaser was shown at the end of the book promoting "GREEN LANTERN - THE BLACKEST NIGHT" not "DC - THE BLACKEST NIGHT", Geoff Johns himself said he saw it as Return of the Jedi in the Green Lantern trilogy, but due to being a girly man, Darkdidio will turn this into a DC event and ruin it. No more having the Green Lanterns and it's mythology as the focus, but bringing as many company wide characters nobody gives a shit about as Black lanterns so they can have spin off series which no one will buy. This pure corporate bullshit where there is not even an attempt in any form to make art makes me mad. Final Crisis - Rage of the Red Lanterns? What did that have to do with Final Crisis. Nothing. But it has the tag and it sells more. That's the dark one's idea of selling books. Lying, deceiving. How about some good stories. Marvel is corporate too but they also at least give a shit or else there wouldn't be any Captain America, Immortal Iron Fist, Daredevil. Comics that are good because that's the reason they exist. Good stories. Fucking corporate cunt.

I'm off to see Kickboxer 2.

Batman R.I.P (Click to emlargin)

"I'm going to fuck you up." "But i'm the Goddamn Darkseid."

"If it bleeds, we can kill it."

"this iz teh same page. But now there iz 2 of them LOL!!!!1111111."

Batman brought the funk to Disco Fridays at the local club.

The Dark Knight no more.

Slightly better pic but stamped.

The Monaliesel.

Robocop on a Car with four legs.
Scene from 2 Easter 2 Island.

Final Crisis #5 - Review

2008-12-10T07:06:00.001-08:00

I'm back with the first Final Crisis review again.(I think)

Wow. That was not a bad issue at all. Still not great but not bad at all. I think after reading this and the past issues I realize this doesn't feel like an event. It's very unprofessional from every standpoint. It doesn't look like care was put into it.

The whole behind the scenes mess and scandal or bullshit scandal. And editorial mismangement. Mean this has lost all the impact it should have had. This is a clusterfuck. Infinite Crisis turned into drivel, but from Issues 1-4, they grabbed you by the balls, it felt important, it felt grand, it felt EPIC. This doesn't.

Maybe it isn't meant to but I can't help but feel it should have been. Parts of it feel like hope is lost but then it doesn't.

What everyone always talks about with Morrison is concepts and it's everywhere here. concepts about anything and everything, going against the natural order of everything a normal human believes. all types of ideals and ideas turned on itself. the notion of an ultra god and the universe collapsing under his weight. Morrison should have written the bible.

As for the story, the preview pages showed how heavily the Green Lanterns are involved in this. With the massive boost in popularity and acclaim that Geoff Johns' reinvisioned GL Mythos has had in the past few years, The Green Lanterns and the mythos itself has become a stronger and larger part of the DCU. So it makes sense for them to have a big role to play. The coolest thing about Final Crisis and the past few issues is how Morrison has made the Mythic superheroes of the DCU, the big guns, the Gods themselves; Superman, Batman, Hal Jordan, Barry Allen, Martian Manhunter, Wonder Woman (poor Aquaman) far larger and greater within the universe itself. They are Gods. They are the ultimate heroes. Hal Jordan is shown why he is one of the big guns, he's a normal human in most cases, but within the confines of this universe and it's ideals, he is a mythical God, something that just can't be broken or held back, something that goes beyond life and death.

The Idea I liked most is that Darkseid invades and whilst this invasion happens the big guns are taken out or M.I.A. The idea that if these big guns were around they just couldn't invade. Superman sent into the multiverse, Batman captured, Hal Jordan framed, Barry Allen dead and in the middle of a resurrection, Wonder Woman infected, Martian Manhunter killed, Aquaman M.I.A(i get the feeling he'll make a re-entrance). Darkseid knows these guys are not to be fucked with.

So in this issue it starts with Hal Jordan bein tried by the court of Oa. According to the book of Oa, an Alpha Lantern is infallible which is why the word of Kraken who obviously has something wrong with her is taken so strongly. However, the cool thing is that the Guardians recognize what a hero Jordan is so they want to examine it carefully, just in time for Guy and Kyle to come and save the day. Kraken is revealed to be harboring Granny Goodness who wants to steal the power of the central battery. She fails and the Green Lanterns are sent to save the planet, led by Hal Jordan. Yes, badass. And it looks like ALL the Green Lanterns are being sent in as an army to fight Darkseid's forces. Darkseid doesn't see this coming, but we'll see how that turns out.

Back on Earth, Checkmate reveals that they have created seven day lifespan super soldiers which are a last move in case the 'superheroes failed to save us'. The Soldiers themselves are Kirby's Omac's.

In Bludhaven, Darkseid's minions each try to get on top of the other by pleasing him so he won't kill them. Already the evilness of Darkseid has become far more absolute compared to the Fourth World Version. Darkseid sends his army to confront the Superhero squad that is making it's way to fight his forces. His forces include his new Furies(Wonder Woman's animal face thing is a mask, not her actual face, but like a war mask) and

Kalibak's new squad of Killer humanoid tigers(comic books yay) known as the Tiger-Clan.The actual Superhero squad is small which we learn because some are dead, some are missing and others have become Justifiers. The Squad is varied with Frankenstein leading the way, Supergirl, Freddy Freeman, Black Adam, John Stewart, Half the JSA, Red Arrow, Vixen, Blue Deul and other charging through the beautiful ruins of Bludhaven.

At Checkmate headquarters, a battle continues. Tempest and Hawkgirl try their best to fight the forces, Alan Scott gets overwhelmed by more Justifiers including a Justifier Donna Troy, when Hawkman shows up with a bunch of flying heroes fucking people up.

Inside Checkmate, A member of the Super Young Team who is like The Wasp with super breath attacks the checkmate soldiers till mr Terrific calms everybody down. Motherboxxx found them and took the super young team there, Mister MIracle can't be killed so he gets up on his flying discs. The coolest Morrisonian aspect, the Motherboxxx analogy "Motherboxx is more than a machine. If Gods made I-pods that were alive? Way beyond that". Mr Terrific says that Checkmate has drawn enemy fire there to let the squad in bludhaven end it at the source. It's there they find out that time and space is breaking, that Darkseid is about to ascend which could be the equivalent of being Self-Aware. In this case the Swiss border moved. Mister Terrific says that a Devil God is dragging them down into nothingness, a place with no light, no time, no hope and no escape. it's there he tells everyone to paint the symbol on their faces, the one that Anthro painted on himself. The symbol of Metron.

The Squad in Bludhaven are attempting to break the force field that covers Darkseid's headquarters. Kalibak and his aquad are about to strike but "wait for the lightning" which happens to be a psychotic Mary Marvel who is flying straight at Supergirl, but mid way is intercepted by Black Adam who then flies her through a building(badass) and starts beating the shit out of her, but she enjoys it. Freddy naively(but of course typically) tries to stop Black Adam who is trying to kill her because it's the only choice, of course it backfires and Adam was right as Mary throws a car at Adam knowing him out. Freddy tries to plead with her but to no avail, she has a new word, a blasphemous word. Mary is acting all bad sexy girl to Freddy, and taunting him until Tawny Tiger shows up with a piece of weaponry developed by Dr Sivanna's son, he tells Mary to step aside and say her word. Freddy tells him to get away that it's not her and she'll kill him, but Kalibak knocks him out. A Tiger vs Tiger battle was going to happen. One in a war outfit, the other in a suit. Maybe next issue.

Elsewhere in Bludhaven, that exiled monitor is thrown into a room for later use by Mokkari to experiment on, see he and some others, who are wired differently(or what looks like to be from another part of the multiverse) aren't affected by Anti Life. It's there that some strange figure in a robe on the corner tells the monitor that there is a special number, a God number, one related to the amount of moves made to solve a Rubik's cube(that Morrison), he also says it was the monitor who summoned 'him'(i'm assuming Darkseid). The monitor is broken, he thinks it's all hopeless. The figure tells him that if the superheroes can't save them then he should think of something and make it real. It's there he remembers the name of a Monitor; Weeja Dell. Right when that happens, Mokkarri and some justifiers walk in. When a man also in the room in a wheelchair who is out of his mind, solves the Rubik's cube in 17 moves, the number of the Gods. And his eyes light up and there is a bright white heat of light.

In Bludhaven, some eerie visual imagery of the dark red skies and public, medievil executions. Libra sends the Calculator to be executed, for allegations that he helped the heroes coordinate the attack. From what you can see, you get the feeling it was Luthor who is helping the heroes. Libra tells Luthor that he'll be leading the rearguard at the bridge in Bludhaven. I've given J.G Jones alot of shit but I give him props for this page. You can just comepletely see that Luthor regrets what he's gotten himself into, that he feels powerless and almost ready to cry.

Darkseid begins to wake, as he does, his minions start dying. Simyan, Mokkari, Godfrey, all die. Darkseid is pure death. He says that no living thing can resist him now and that people have only ever faced the idea of a God before, but now he is a God incarnate. "All is one in Darkseid!".

At the bridge, it's there Supergirl sees a massive energy within the bunker(Darkseid) connecting to a gigantic nervous system. Basically Darkseid is becoming everything(this is trippy stuff, much cooler than Christianity). John Stewart screaming that everything is falling into Darkseid. Time is distorting and that he needs backup. The problem with this is visually, it's hard to interpret time distorting, if anything it was clearer in Infinite crisis. The guardians note that help is on the way, with the Green Lanterns lead by Hal Jordan almost there until they reach Earth or Earths. As the multiverse seems to have broken into singularities. I really think Phil Jimenez captured the visual scope of broken multiverses better.

Back on Earth everything starts to fall. The president realizes that they have lost. John Stewart doesn't know what is going on and his ring is failing. Libra calls out that the Fifth world is here as the sky breaks open. Darkseid awakens "I.Am.The.New.God"

He speaks to the world. He controls the world. The fifth world is here and he has taken over it. He has taken over every single mind. And he speaks some of the most EVIL most mythic dialogue a God could ever speak. Poetic.

This is brilliant stuff, just so approproate "When I stare into your eyes and shatter your dreams. and break your heart. it is with six billion eyes". He says to the large group of humans in front of him who now bow to his every word.

The great thing about this and how grand and epic Darkseid is, that Superman will fight him or even attempt to fight him. Speaks to the mythical heroic ideal aspect of Superman, it isn't just about the American Dream and the immigrant story, that's all fine and dandy. But to others, Superman is the mythical good, the one that fights evil at it's grandest. He is an ideal. He is greater than just the American Dream.

In the bunker. The remants of the Rubik's Cube debacle reveal itself. As something new has been born. The Judge of all evil. The monitor has become something else. basically a dude going to an S&M underground club. But I'm sure it's something bigger than that. It's Nix Uaton, but seems more like that Mandrakk the Dark monitor that the solicitations have been talking about.

A pretty solid issue. The art is still pretty lackluster, and this feels more like a miniseries than an event. The art, the wider editorial aspect. But the concepts, the ideas, are pretty great. Mindfucks but this is a mindfuck I like. However, how are they going to wrap this up in two more issues. We'll see. But this does go by too fast and I do get the feeling, a rush job like the atrocity of the last issues of Infinite Crisis is on hand.

The art isn't that good, not for something this big and grand. Leinel Yu definately won this year and now with the different artists coming next. Ha.

Ohh Dan Didio, you funny cunt. Can't wait to see how you ruin The Blackest Night, ohh you already have, by making it a DC event rather than just the Green Lantern event it was going to be.

FINAL CRISIS #4 Review

2008-10-22T04:12:00.000-07:00

Note: - This issue takes place after Final Crisis: Submit

Before I start yes we all know the editorial mismangement and the new fiasco of Doug Mahnke taking over on art but i'll get to that later.

Alot of my feelings haven't changed. I still think it's mediocre art and the fact the delays and now total failure have happened is pretty pathetic, I would understand the delays if the art was by David Aja or Leonardo Da Vinci, but J.G Jones' stuff is nothing special, it's just comic book stuff.

His first few pages in Issue #1 were very nice, the comic book cartoon but at it's most detailed, but obviously he can only draw cavemen that well since everything has derailed.

I brought up the Lantern ring implant scene as confusing and fucked and a few people gave me shit about the artwork like the 4th pip.(*just reread this, apologies 4th pip I didn't mean the ring implant scene, you're still a dumb fuck though) But that dickhead equates the current Captain America, Daredevil and Iron fist to Azrael/Knightfall, Reign of Superman and Kyle Rayner. Ha, what a dumb cunt. And he's in his late 30's. Pathetic. Yes, I browse the comicbookresources boards.

Whatever, alot of people see it now. Those people disagreeing can go get fucked. Because i'm right.

-----------------------------------

SPOILERS ****************

To the issue.

First off. The cover. What a cover. Seriously. Killer. Jones should have been on covers only. I'll give him this. What a cover.

It's issue 4. And by the trades and ads we are told that EVIL HAS WON.

We get scenes of moments before the anti-life equation has been unleashed. Then anyone listening to a speaker, with a phone, GPS, airline monitor - becomes a victim of the anti life equation. Drones, zombies. Then they become justifier troops for Darkseid, other Justifier Troops physically put helmets on them just like The Human Flame. I don't what it is, but I preferred the Parademons, no matter how silly and ineffective they were. These Battlestar Galactica Cylon soldiers don't have that oomph, maybe Jones drew them too small. To recap, those who are not exposed to anti-life via technological means and are not in hiding, are physically forced to become Justifiers. So you have a bunch of superheroes and refugees in hiding.

Next we learn that the JLA Watchtower is unaffected. The Ray is beaming around the world from there delivering Daily Planet newspapers, which are still being published, via a printing press in the Fortress of Solitude. Where Morrison is going with this I don't know, but from what I see it seems he's using it like history has actually done it, leftist rebel propaganda under a tyrannical regime, inspiring people to fight back. You've seen it in South America, Burma, Iran. However I don't think it works here, because the circumstances are different and the people fighting back are different. It's a world taken over by Gods with the rebels being Superheroes.

Superman however is MIA, so are most of the mythic heroes. Wonder Woman is a Fury, Hal Jordan is arrested, Batman is captured and Superman is missing throughout the multiverse. What you get out of this is that there is still hope, it's as if Superman doesn't even know this is all happening, he's just gone and when he comes back, shit is going to go down. It's a cool idea. Rather than take him out, he's busy and maybe Darkseid didn't count on this.

Anyway the Ray ends up at the Hall of Justice with the tattoo man in hand(this story comes straight out of Final Crisis: Submit). At the Hall of Justice are some rebels - Green Arrow, Black Canary, Oracle, Linda West and her two kids, Jay Garricks woman. Green Arrow doesn't like the tattoo man there, but the tattoo man says he has a message from Black Lightning(Final Crisis: Submit), The Ray saved him because he's a good guy and wasn't going to let him become a justifier troop. The Ray lets it known that the only thing the rebels have via communication is the Daily Planet which he and others deliver around the world. Black Canary asks him what happened to the Bludhaven Strike force and judging by the front page of the planet it seems there was a team sent in to Bludhaven. Which we see by the double page splash follwing that it was a bad idea. Bludhaven in ruins(from before) but bodies of what seems to be random heroes(no one known) and atomic knights and their dogs. Same imagery from the future scenes of Cameron's Terminator films. Disturbing. Justifier troops with Evil God guns around Bludhaven.

Next is the evil gods. Godfrey and the scientists Mokkari and Simyan. Darkseid IS in Turpin. What we learn is that in the fourth world, the new gods and evil gods actually had human bodies like avatars, but it's not working aswell in the fifth world. Becoming Avatars that is. (correct me if i'm wrong). Turpin is resisting. Resisting Anti-life. Mokkari and Simyan are responsible for the 'evil factories' across the world and are merging human and animals into super soldiers for Darkseid. They are also grafting the new bodies for the Evil Gods(also correct me if i misinterpreted this). The evil factory grafted a new body for Kalibak. Basically he's a big tiger. It's pretty dumb and nowhere near as bizarre as the old body, he's just a big tiger with a shorts and a tank top with Kirby esque markings. He is however devouring a Green Lantern. Another big idea added is that there are factions in a sense between the evil gods, all trying their best to impress Darkseid when he 'incarnates'. Granny Goodness is in the stars fighting the Green Lantern Corps and the guardians, trying to take over the central battery(please, fucking please, show this). Turpin is slowly breaking down and letting Darkseid take over. Apparently a brave noble spirit that is broken down is only capable to hold Darkseid.

At the Hall of Justice, the justifier troops in their hundreds are trying to break in, very reminiscent of the second Lord of the Rings movie, The Two Towers. And that's where the tone kicks in that i've been waiting for. That feeling of dread that haunts the whole movie from when the Rohirrim leave Rohan. That same feeling of dread and helplessness plagues the rest of the issue. It just hit me that nothing has been done like this before, we get glimpses like in Days of Future Past or a city made like this in Onslaught which also had a similar tone, but nothing like this where Earth has been taken over. It's done. The Bad guys have won. But like I said, they haven't counted on Superman.

The Oracle says that the anti-life equation is a mathetical proof that Darkseid is rightful master of everything. It's a brilliant concept. Basically everything you believed in was a lie. Most people on this earth think there is a reason for everything or that everything is rooted in neutrallity. But what is existence was rooted in evil. All the people who have faith, destroyed, not only does it not mean anything but it's the opposite of what they believe.

The rebels or survivors want to get out of there, The Ray says he is a power generator and that the secret society had their own internet, the unternet(Morrison what the fuck?) and they didn't know about it until they were told by an informant within Libra's circle. The Ray patches it together and connect to Watchtower 1 - Checkmate Castle. Above Watchtower 1 - heroes, specifically Hawkgirl fighting airborne soldiers of Darkseid, below, justifier troops trying to break in like The Battle of Helm's Deep from The Two Towers. The Ray and Mr Terrific connect all the Watchtowers and Alan Scott gives a message to everyone. Above Alan Scott, pictures of heroes and their statuses, it can't help but be noted all the big guns are M.I.A with some powerful fuckers conveniently being offworld(Kyle Rayner) and you get yourself thinking that if he was there, things might be a little different. He is afterall, the Luke Skywalker of Green Lanterns. Others M.I.A - Superman, Kingdom Come Superman, Hal Jordan. This means something no doubt. When the baddest heroes are missing by chance, you know that means there is some hope.

Alan Scott gives an inspirational speech about how their world is being attacked by Gods, and they have powers and technology beyond them, they have a genetic factory in bludhaven and that their presence is deforming time and distorting their minds. And that they must also have courage to fight back. That there are 6 Watchtowers with heroes and refugees. There we learn Watchtower 3 is the Fortress of Solitude lead by Supergirl. Watchtower 5 is Superbia lead by Warmaker but it's falling. Watchtower 4 I can't make out(I thought it was Gorilla City and it was - thanks to Gary Ancheta for the note). Watchtower 6 is the Great Wall lead by August General in Iron. Basically a random superheroes are at different Watchtowers which are acting like forts, some of the Watchtowers are being attacked and some of the heroes are outside holding back the Justifier troops until the time comes for the Omega Initiative which is the final stand of the Superheroes at the Bridge in Bludhaven. A very cynical Black Adam sees this and wants to join in, dissolusioned with the fact the primal gods have left and these new gods have come in, and he has a very 'fuck it' attitude, knowing they are outnumbered and doomed but wants to fight anyway. Then it's a Fringe Ad.

Back at The Watchtower, The Tattoo Man who is slowly becoming a Superhero reveals he was given a circuit by Black Lightning(Final Crisis: Submit) and it reveals itself on him like a tattoo, and it's Metron's symbol, all over his body. Outside the Justifier troops with Black Lightning leading them are trying to break in, the rebels go to escape to the JLA Watchtower.

To the Flashes. Barry tells Wally that Darkseid is falling and he's dragging the Multiverse with him. Wally is first in shock at seeing his uncle and lets that take over him first, Barry explains that an unknown force reverse engineered him out of light particles. With a steel rope, the Flashes take out the Female Furies, Giganta is taken out like an At-AT by a snowspeeder. The Art is pretty all over the place here, not very clear.

At the Hall of Justice, Green Arrow says he's satying behind so he can wreck the teleport system so they can get to safety and can't be followed. This is a great scene, it shows he anti imperialism of Ollie but also his heroism. Black Canary argues of course but Ollie tells her she is the JLA leader now. As they leave, Ollie goes all out taking on a whole horde of Justifier troops and Apokalips dogs by himself but stops when he sees Black Lightning. Black Lightning takes him out and says the rebels have escaped and can't be followed, Ollie says that the bastards will never get them and that they'll all fight to the end. Then Ollie becomes a justifier troop.

Above the earth. The Black Canary looks out to the Green Lantern quarantined Earth, laments Ollie then becomes a soldier and tells the rebels to station weapons review.

Darkseid's Helmet is a Crown. Mary Marvel brings it on a cushion like it was a ring. Above the checkmate castle, Alan Scott and Hawkgirl are being overwhelmed by super justifer troops which they discover are some superheroes. Alan says they can't give up, they have to hold back the troops until the Omega offensive is ready, which is when Hawkgirl starts to notice the rain.

Godfrey asks Darkseid(Turpin is breaking down but still resisting) whether he gives a thumbs up for the triumph of the Holy Spirit or a thumbs down for a holocaust that will never end. Turpin still tries to resist, barely mouthing "kk-kiss....my"

In Central City. Images of a factory of people working for Darkseid, it basically looks like that world in Rock of Ages from Morrison's JLA run. Justifier troops breaking down people physically, everything around like walls and clothes with omega logos. And around that, Apokaliptan tanks. The woman walks into her apartment and stares blankly at a screen showing the omega logo. Barry and Wally walks in. The Woman is Iris West. Barry kisses her like he's waited thousands of years to do it and she comes back to normal.

Back at the Checkmate castle, Alan notes that he can feel the world colliding with the world of the Gods. That it feels like the end of everything. Hawkgirl notes the rain is blood. It's raining blood. Mister Terrific notes that something is coming out of nowhere, and through a portal comes out the japanese heroes in their super car. Mister Miracle(Shilo Norman) comes out saying they can save the world until he is shot by a SHADE soldier.

Black.

The Evil Gods asking for Darkseid. Turpins last narration. He is broken. That at the end, the only choice is Apokalips and Darkseid.

Darkseid Awakens. With a thumbs down. "Give In" - Turpins last narration.

- FINAL CRISIS #4 - DARKSEID SAYS

------------

Finally, it seems like it's kicked off, there are problems, but all that concept I had in my head of Evil winning and Heroism having to fight back and Superheroes as rebels is coming to the forefront. The most exciting thing and in regards to the Solicits is Superman being M.I.A, he's not taken out, just missing and he's Superman, the Anti-Darkseid. That is the best thing out of this book. He's going to come back like Aragorn to lead an army of superheroes against the Evil Gods.

The story is making sense, that good vs evil element is coming into full view. And "The Lord of the Rings" of the DCU is starting to take shape. I'm glad. That tone from The Lord of the Rings which is the greatest Good vs Evil story, those elements are seeping in.

The art is still mediocre. Carlos Pacheco drew some of it, but you can't note what he did, except the last full page of Darkseid. It's a good issue, which might become great if the next one adds to it. The storytelling, panelling is still meh. It doesn't have that epic feel like the stuff Ivan Reis does, Sinestro Corps War, you felt the scope. This is bigger than Sinestro Corps War and doesn't have anywhere near the scope. Some panels like of outside Checkmate Castle should have been larger with better angles. Though some of the ground shots of Central City in ruins were pretty interesting.

In regards to the mismanagement. J.G Jones should have never drawn this. JH Williams III (Promethea, Seven Soldiers, that amazing 3 issue Club of Heroes arc from Morrison's Batman) who is an ARTIST, should have done this, with his graphic design style, ability to draw like Jack Kirby, he would have made this something special. It's ludicrous that DC actually hired Jones knowing his track record. He has one fucking year of lead time. A fucking year. Fans say he spent it on design. Fuck you. A year. Fans say that Morrison kept changing it. There is NOTHING that jives with Countdown that needed a delay or modification to suit it. Nothing. He had a year of lead time, he didn't have to worry about Countdown. He said he was chained to a desk drawing this and by issue 4 there is already a fill in artist. Some fans say that they should have just let him continue with it just like Ultimates and Civil War, thing is those comics looked better from the start. And via interviews you just could tell Jones was overwhelmed with this, i'd be surprised how much of issue 5 is done by Jones.

What pisses me off about alot of DC fans and which is starting to crack now is that it seems like they don't read much comics outside of DC. I love DC, I mainly read DC but even I can admit Marvel has the better looking comics.

You look at most of DC's comics and there is nothing 'art' about them, they're just stories drawn as cartoons. There's nothing like David Aja's Immortal Iron Fist which makes you go 'wow' or Alex Maleev's Daredevil which makes you go 'oooh'. Maybe Ivan Reis' stuff on Green Lantern, it's the best and goddamn real good but it's still not as special as the others or distinctly artistic like the others. Although his storytelling, panelling is amazing. Ethan Van Sciver's is special but that dude draws one issue every 4 years. J.G Jones' art is mediocre, NOTHING special about it, wake the fuck up if you think it is because it isn't and to think he has failed in delivering 7 issues(oversized sure) with one year of lead time for this non special art is pretty pathetic. He's a slow penciller, I get it. DC was wrong to hire him and Jones was wrong to accept this. But DC fans, well not many now cos alot of them have started to agree with me, have been stupid to say that it's great or excusing his one year of lead time as design work. Fuck you. He failed, DC failed and now Final Crisis is going to be a clusterfuck. Doesn't matter how good the story is, there is nothing special about it anymore. It's the Lord of the Rings movies with 3 different cinematographers at different points, but they never started out with Andrew Lesnie, they just got some guy who did the latest TV to film adaptation.

I'm not too fussed about Mahnke, because his art on Superman Beyond 3D was impressive. But it's not art on the level with Marvel's previous events, he's no Leinel Yu, Steve McNiven or Ariel Olivetti. But it's ok, just when you have an event called FINAL CRISIS and it's billed as the be all and end all and you have a mediocre artist who can't even finish it. That's sad. This is a clusterfuck as said by a reader on Newsarama. This is the type of shit that makes Marvel laugh, last month they had more than a 50% share of the market, not superhero comics, but the market. DC continues like this, Marvel will have a 60% share by the time Final Crisis finishes. Yes, Marvel has all the best artists in comics on contract, but this was sheer stupidy by DC Editorial.

This isn't something that's going to become part of history like Watchmen or Dark Knight or the other mini series or comics that had one artist.

If this had better management, a better artist(JH Williams III) this might have been one of the greats.

B.T.W Final Crisis #5 has a new cover of Wonder Woman, Guess the other one was too skimpy.

THE Transformers review. From an AICN Bayformers Detractor.

2007-06-29T12:15:00.000-07:00

Damn you Michael Bay. So i'm one of the known detractors of this movie(A dickwad according to Michael Bay). I will address all the issues brought up on AICN. It's a shame all my posts got deleted but i'm back.

Transformers has been the most controversial movie on AICN for a while, the threads are always huge, being near Aqu@fag like levels and not being incoherent rambling. Is this movie TINO? Is Michael Bay Damned? All will be addressed but first I want to say this. I always said that I was sure it was going to be a fun summer movie but I didn't just want that. I want Transformers. So is this Transformers or TINO(Transformers in Name only)? Yes and No. I also said that the Nostalgia crowd is the biggest demographic and some people(idiot transformers fans on the official movie site(someone called wishfulthinking) and tfw2005.com(cocksucker extraordinaire redsquadron) and on AICN too lambasted me for this, saying "get over it, it needs to move forward and isn't aimed at us, it's aimed at kids", well you were proven wrong. I went to a midday screening on a weekday and the theatre was half packed(which means people are interested and for an early screening on a weekday it's huge) and I look around, and not 1 child, everyone was in their 20's at least. I walk out and the line for the next session had 3 kids and then a bunch of adults. This is banking on the nostalgia factor but after seeing the movie, I think I may be wrong in the designs having THAT much of an impact, i'm sure the box office would be a little bigger but it won't take as much a hit, I don't see people being as angry about the flames or Megatron being a tribal tattoo.

This movie is Huge. It's probably the second biggest most expensive looking movie i've ever seen after Return of the King. It makes At World's End look like some student Film from UCLA. Michael '12 Action set pieces' Bay Denis knows how to use his cash, which makes my mind boggle at how Superman Returns cost 200 mil when this supposedly cost less, yet this seems as big as the LOTR films and doesn't come off as a Will and Grace episode. This also makes me think that unless there is a Transformers 2 with Devastator(unlikely now, explained later) and the Dinobots, or a Simarillion series of movies or an Infinite Crisis movie, I can't see any movie being bigger than this for along time, not even a JLA movie.

Is it a good fun summer ride movie? No, it's a pretty great fun summer ride movie. Totally shits on the other blockbusters out this year and last. I mean I thought it'd be cool and I was excited but I was surprised I had so much fun, that it was such an entertaining movie.

I've been waiting 18 years for this movie, Transformers is quite possibly the first thing I ever liked. Before Star Wars, before Superman. The coolest thing a child could ever have was what happened to me, when my dad came home and I ran down the stairs of our apartment block to meet him and he had bags which I thought were groceries but they were Transformers, he bought me bags, bags of transformers, it had a headmaster in it. Awesome. So Transformers means alot to me, and it's not just Nostalgic, because I have seen the cartoon and the animated movie and they are really enjoyable. Optimus Prime was my hero, he is the one that taught me about mortallity, when he died, I realized I could die. And along with Superman and Luke Skywalker, he was the first noble person I ever saw. A good guy.

Am I converted? Not really, like I said I knew it was going to be fun but I am frustrated at the wasted opportunities. I'll get to these soon.

The Bayisms are there, but not as frequent. STOP MOVING THE CAMERA IN NON ACTION SHOTS! If anything this feels like a mixture of a typical Bay movie, an 80's Spielberg movie, a mega blockbuster event movie and a Transformers movie. With a fair bit of comedy thrown in that actually works.

The thing with this movie and alot of fans, is that many of us know it will be at least an ok movie, but if you hit the right notes and it's a great movie I will not see it once, but multiple times, like Batman Begins which I watched 13 times. Even though it's not totally a Transformers movie or if to you it doesn't feel like Transformers. It's still a really fun movie. However that does not mean that it doesn't have it's problems, and sometimes they get overshadowed by a movie being real good, but the issues always brought up on AICN do stand out at least to me, but it doesn't really take away from the movie much. There are few perfect movies(the two towers, children of men, batman begins, the lives of others, empire and a new hope are perfect in my eyes) but cmon, the dog peeing on the robot? Bumblebee's golden shower?

So TINO? Bayformers? Yes and No. The action or BAYHEM is absolutely insane, they do move and look in action as Transformers. Out of all of them, Optimus is the closest one to the Optimus we all know, heroic, noble, a leader.

To all the people saying they won't see it(Industrykiller I believe). I think you should because it's a good movie, I mean I was entertained, frustrated at times but Entertained thoroughly. I mean i'm not sure everyone will see it multiple times but to not see it once would be foolish.

The CGI is incredible(though WETA is still better, their digital character rendering is still the best), it has already won next year's academy award. ILM has come such a long way, ROTS had alot of flaws in the CGI and the digital characters were badly rendered in some parts. The stuff they do here is amazing. Some of the craziest action sequences i've ever seen. The first time I got the sensation that this will be a big hit is in the scene where Bumblebee fights Barricade the cop car, the first big Transformer fight scene. After a bit of a scuffle Bumblebee drives off with the kids then Barricade transforms and chases them but in that shot when he transforms to chase them, people clapped and some people went 'wooo' because they knew it was going to be a big scene and it was just starting.
Thinking about the Bayhem now, I think watching it, many of you are not going to believe the action sequences, they really are impressive and I was really surprised that there is so much action. I didn't think it was possible without having to spend the GDP of a small country, then again ROTK proved me wrong, but really, the action is so constant in one part where you think "surely that must be it" because you think it wouldn't be possible budget wise at least, and then this insane air battle involving Starscream takes place and you think "how the fuck did they afford all this?".

Here's some little fanboy things. Jazz does a semi breakdance when he transforms. Optimus says the line which was won in a competition "Freedom is the right of all sentient beings" and surprisingly he also says his mega famous line from the animated movie and it's not "Till all are one". Also this was awesome, Optimus opens part of his chest and you see THE MATRIX! Yes Fanboy joy.

The first 2 shots when the movie starts after it's prologue are fine, the third, fourth and fifth shots are pure Michael Bay. That already bugged me. There are alot of Bayisms in the movie, but not as many as I thought, they do stand out when they are on, but at the same time you sort of get the sense that Bay even knows his own Bayisms that he's toned them down. Ie there are those slow mo shots of people moving but they aren't as frequent, but they still annoy me when they are on. But yes I will say it, the first action sequence is very impressive, it's quite incredible, and the fact so many shots are from far where you see Blackout and you can't see the full detail so he looks like a real Transformer, that part does feel like Transformers, that scene feels like Transformers has been brought to life.

Did I feel like a kid again? That kid who would rush home in first grade after school(Transformers was popular for a few years) running fast because his father was flirting with the teacher so I walked in 5 minutes late in an episode with BRUTICUS. A few times.... when Optimus makes his grand entrance, it's magical, then the rest of the autobots make their entrance it's awesome to watch because it feels like the old blockbusters.

Optimus is Optimus, for the most part, it's the Optimus we all grew up with put on screen, Cullen's voice is different, bassier, more \robotic, but he does act and sound like Optimus for the most part. He is a badass when he fights Bonecrusher. Don't really want to say much in his fight or lack of fight(from his side) with Megatron.

Shia Lebeouf was good, I mean he does the job, and he does it well, you can tell this kid's going to be a movie star, the charisma etc, I mean. whatever to me, i'm just saying from a general public point of view, this kid will be a movie star. He's funny and that's the main part of his character, he isn't very heroic, he just does things and takes things humorously all pining for the affection of Mikaela, the hottest girl in school and i'm actually surprised that the love story between them isn't as cheesy, they must have worked on it.

I thought Megan Fox was hot on TV, and I thought not so hot in print, but she's one of the hottest things i've ever seen in some parts of this movie(Erica Durance beats her though), and she surprised me because she's not a bad actress as Mikaela, I mean she isn't great, her character doesn't have anything to be great, it's a blockbuster of course, but she's not wooden, not sleepwalking through this role. Ie I didn't cringe. And she's hot.

The Issues.

Wasted Opportunities. First I have to say they don't take that much away from the movie, I mean I know some talkbackers are going to hate this movie regardless and some will see one thing they don't like and suddenly the whole movie is shit. Be reasonable, the good parts are good, the bad parts are annoying. Spider-man 3 was a wasted opportunity, it just bugs me(ha a pun) when people have a choice yet they do something else when there is no reason why it couldn't have been done the other way, there is nothing forcing it to compromise(ie Lucas couldn't do the battle of Coruscant in ROTJ because it just wasn't possible). I mean Venom was totally wasted. But the things in Transformers are minor.

The designs. - I hated them when they were unveiled, they aren't as bad onscreen as I thought, but at the same time, I don't see how the original designs wouldn't have worked. They didn't have to be the same, I don't know why people think bringing them to life would mean you'd get 8 cubes. No, i wanted them to be the way these ones were rendered but thicker, think of the dreamwave drawings but with lots of the big metal bits and lines and that would have been great. I say this because there is absolutely no reason why it wouldn't have worked. With these designs, they aren't horrible but it's frustrating because you know the others could have worked too(look at the sideswipe transformation vid aka the fake ILM footage). A few times I and others have said, you won't be able to tell what's going on. It's just more that i'm annoyed by the fact Bay and co did this just because they felt they can, there is just is no reason. I don't see how it's any more realistic. That realistic angle doesn't work, the argument doesn't stick. As long as they look real through lighting it can be real. The only good I see from these designs is that the few times you see them transform, the scrap metal look does look spectacular.

Mass shifting. - Ok the first issue addressed was Megatron couldn't be a gun because it's stupid(i'm ok with that but he could have been a badass cannon) and Soundwave can't be a boom box and then the All Spark cube mass shifts? What the fuck man? It goes from being the size of a small warehouse to Sam being able to carry it. So much for the mass shifting argument, they used the fucking thing.

Ratio of robots to humans. Human prominent story. - This was a big concern, that it was from the humans point of view and too much time would be devoted to the humans, in the first half, pretty much, but even though the script has it prominently human, the robots figure heavily in the second half and are in it alot more than the script suggests. So there is little to worry about. It's been evened out.

The script/Story. - Alot of people have read the script and many have said it's a shit script. It's not as bad as it read, the cheesy parts have for the most part been cut out, alot of other stuff has been toned down(the lake sequence where Sam is trying to pick up Mikaela). The biggest problem I had was the stuff with the government, it's not as prominent as it was in the script, it isn't frustrating, I hated hated those parts of the script, but they seem to have trimmed it down and with the fact the robots get more screen time than originally thought, it doesn't seem as bad. More than meets the eye is used once.

Flames on Optimus = nipples on an unnessasery. I don't get it, it serves no purpose. Bay himself kind of spat in the face of fans and said Optimus has flames because he wanted him to have flames. yes I wanted to punch him. It doesn't take away from Optimus visually, it's just the fact it's there, it's stupid. It's unnessasery and I can only think that either Bay loves Flames or he thinks more Toys are going to be sold or more tickets are going to be sold because a human will see it and go 'coooool'.

Lips on Optimus = This year's little miss why? He hardly ever has the mouthguard on and you barely see it anyway. That sucks. I hate that. I don't think there was one single shot where you just see him in his glory with the mouthguard up, 80% of the time you see the lips. Now the animation looks impressive and it does look cool, but it's just unnessasery, Why? This is what frustrates me, and what frustrated me in Spider-man 3, just dumb decisions when you have a good decision open to you. The other robots have lips, why not have Optimus just have the mouthguard on? Was it to convey emotion? If you still want the lips, then at least have it on half the time, it's not even that and then you barely see it. You don't see Prime in a single close up shot with the mouthguard on and have him say something, like the original cartoons or it's assuck like follow ups. That's a shame.

Megatron. - He looks like ass. He looked like ass on the designs, he looks like Ass on screen. When he fights Optimus at some parts it's cool and some parts it looks like you're in a laundry dryer with a crumpled car. He is brutal though, but he doesn't feel like Megatron, he is just this powerful bad guy, but he doesn't have any character and he definitely is MINO. Which sucks since Optimus was Optimus. He fires a cannon once or twice but you can't even tell. Bay and his team really fucked up on this, it's cool yeah but it could have been alot better. He should have looked more like Megatron and acted like Megatron, Devious Megalomaniac with a motherfucking badass arm cannon ON ALL THE TIME. The closest he gets to megatron is when he sees Prime and says "Prime" like he said in the cartoon, that's it. To the general public he'd be ok, but as a fan we all know he could have been Megatron and also look like Megatron instead of looking like he'd transform into a chandelier. Change for the better is always good, but the Megatron of the cartoon is classic and way cooler than this Megatron, add the brutality of this Megatron to the real Megatron and I would have been overjoyed. The thing is even with all this negativity, the action scenes involving him are still visually impressive to watch.
What was the point in getting Hugo Weaving? Why Bay? He doesn't sound anything like Hugo Weaving, only in about 3 words he sounds like him, Frank Welker should have been used because Megatron would have felt more like him with that sneering voice. Megatron's voice = This year's little miss fuck you.

Use of music. Bay seems so uncultured at times, doing things because they're cool when in fact they are cheesy, he seems like a very mainstream person, it's as if he's never seen an arthouse film or listened to music on an independant label. Using the musical theme of Oren Ishii from Kill Bill when she walks into the Sushi Restaurant, you know the one, well using that when Bumblebee shows his new do as the new Camaro. Overdone. But there are worse ones. I also noticed that there has been an attempt to imitate the inspiration/building two note motif theme from Batman Begins also known as Vespertillio. I love that theme and how it was used, it makes Batman seem so epic and feel important like something important was unraveling before your eyes. They do a similar theme in Heroes and they do one here too. It's okay, but it quickly gets overshadowed by typical Bay score and of course being a Bay film it also needs to be overscored.

There is a small right wing jingoistic line which the secretary of defense says about the soldiers(something like 'they sure as hell don't like to lose') in Hoover damn. Lame. And another Line about bringing them home cut with Bay shots of the soldiers running. Lame.

Bumblebee's golden shower. People laughed. I thought it was stupid.

The dog peeing on Ironhide. People Laughed. I thought it was forced and stupid.

The Bumblebee radio thing. it's tolerable and isn't overdone, what I hated is when Bumblebee finally speaks, he sounds ridiculous. Some high class British guy. I don't get it, what was wrong with Dan Gilvezan's vulnerable voice for Bumblebee? Bumblebee is a great character though, he is Sam’s guardian and tougher than the G1 version but still has that vulnerability and compassion.

Ratchet. Why does he have a voice like a creepy English butler? He is nothing like the Ratchet we all knew, RINO.

Ironhide is a cowboy but he doesn't feel that much like the badass he was, the one that was itching to get a fight, he is the weapons expert and wants to shoot things but the voice just doesn't fit. He’s actually pretty good, I just wish he was a lot tougher. I hope if they use Cliffjumper they don't do the same to my favourite Autobot Hardass that isn't Grimlock.

Jazz is a modern version of the old jazz, so what does that mean? Gangsta. Luckily it's not overdone. I don't see the point in making Jazz have a visor if you don't even see it, I only knew he had one because of the pictures.

The tank was called Devastator in the script and was known as a temp name and then was officially called Brawl, then imagine my surprise when he rocks up and in subtitles says "Devastator here". That sucks. How the fuck are you going to have the most badass decepticon on screen and call him by his badass name in a sequel, so much for the constructicons and calling him Devastator.

Frenzy is a suckass robot. Who the fuck designed that robot? The way he is used is awesome however, but why couldn't he look more like Rumble, he could have done the same things but not looked like some knife set.

The decepticons. They are hardasses, that they are, they aren't as malicious and devious as in the cartoon but they are brutal, the problem is they aren't as devious since they hardly have any screen time, no character, no personality AT ALL, that's fine for the secondary characters that are just there to be pieces for action scenes(Devastator, Bonecrusher), but for STARSCREAM! BLASPHEMY! He shows up near the end(WHAT!!!) and he does have this incredibly awesome flight action sequence, but he looks nothing like Starscream, he acts nothing like Starscream because he only has 1 fucking line. He is brutal though, but all of them are, they are just hardasses and we know they are bad, we are told that and they go to fight the autobots and waste humans but god I hate that Starscream is just another robot with a name that everyone knows(you can tell, in my screening people went 'ooohh' when they show the jet and Starscream says in subtitles 'this is Starscream'). I mean Bay knows Starscream is one of the Iconic characters so why waste him in a character sense, give him some lines dammit. He's the most badass decepticon after Megatron and he's given his screen time action wise and we know he is something more than the other decepticons but say something! He might as well have been that Leader 1 from Go Bots. Megatron does say "you have failed me yet again Starscream" but that's not enough. And his voice is just stupid. SINO GOTTA EAT. Awesome SINO though. The air battle he has is amazing, best sequence of the year.

The autobots however are awesome in some ways, and lame in others, lame because they aren't much like the characters we know them as(exception being Optimus) but they do things like in the final battle where they realize it's Starscream who is the jet, Ironhide screams "it's Starscream" but no one knows what that means, they also work as a team, help each other out, act as soldiers(guarding Sam). They also have great weapons and Bay has definitely used his imagination in the mega action sequences. The Autobots have great interaction and are real characters, it’s just the characters themselves(only a few) should have been fleshed out more(Jazz) or been more like G1(Ratchet and Ironhide) because they were in fact better characters.

Good lord I have a headache. The crazy transformations and direction. An Evangelion movie is waiting around the corner.

I'm laughing at the mega talkback on that crappy Linkin Park theme, don't worry, it's nowhere to be heard at all.

Judging by the crowd(those with the pockets), the interest, the positive reaction and the positive reviews, this movie is looking to be Huge and I wouldn't be surprised if it ends up as one of the biggest hits of the year, probably second to Spiderman.

Parts of this movie were TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION. And some parts were ASS or Ganymede as I like to call it, but the good outweighs the bad.

My views haven't really changed but I really enjoyed it and might watch it a few more times.

As everyone else is saying...BRING ON THE DARK KNIGHT....Cunce(i've toned down on the vulgarities so the review can get posted)

Messi

Welcome to Messi's Hand of blog

2007-06-29T09:53:00.000-07:00

Messi. AICN Talkbacker of the most Vulgar fashion, scorn of Michael Bay. I will post irrelevant shit for you cunts.