Tuesday, January 13, 2009
FINAL CRISIS #6 - Review
The Batman is dead.
Read it again, The Batman is dead.
If you want to see it. Comment. (the Batman pics are at the bottom of the review)
I'm back. Notorious aintitcool talkback superstar messi(now known as messi part II) with the first Final Crisis reviews in the world.
Onto Final Exposition #6.
Final Crisis is a clusterfuck, a mediocre failure. I don't know what went wrong, Editorial mismanagement*(which still keeps going on), rewrites, bad decisions, someone sleeping with someone's wife. Whatever it is, this has pretty much been a lackluster event, even when things seemed to 'kick off' at Issue #4 it still didn't have the oomph that other events had. The whole fact that it was billed as the most epic thing ever since Ninjas were invented, yet turned out to be a rush job just adds another nail to the coffin that is being built for DC. The loud complaints regardless of the few apologists of this series (hello dotdotdot of comicbookresources you cock and the 4th pip you ass**, and hello to the softcocks who run those forums - "children read these forums", no they don't. grow some balls.) are very loud, the reaction is either "not bad" or "meh". Not the reaction you want to "The Lord of the Rings of the DCU".
I also want to say to some people, i'm just cutting the bullshit. I looked forward to this event like nothing before. It sounded so epic, it was talked about as so epic. I really though i'd get the first issue and I would ascend to the heavens. Instead I went "....what?". I really looked forward to it but if at Issue 6 of 7 you are looking for the best in it...well. Kind of says alot about the story.
What I can take that is great from this specific issue and the previous ones are the Ideas. They are Grand. Real mindfuck stuff. I still believe Grant Morrison should have written the bible, or should retcon the current one. Crisis on Infinite Religions. I will get to some of the grand moments such as Metron's appearance but to the issue at hand.
As you will know, reality is breaking, and everything is becoming Darkseid. So essentially he is controlling everything, or everything is dying or becoming deleted or something. Darkseid's whole thing is that he wants power so when he has it all, what does he live for? Half of humanity is subjugated, becoming the voice of Darkseid, he controls them. The other half are desperate to survive.
Thanks to the delays we find out here that this takes place after Superman Beyond and after Legion of 3 Worlds which finishes in a few months (hahaha ohh DC). Brainiac 5 introduces Superman to the God Weapon, the Miracle Machine. A machine that turns thoughts into reality. So a reality warping weapon. Like Franklin Richards but not of child form, but shiny chrome.
I'm kind of getting over just laying out what happens bit by bit so i'll try keep it simpler.
The JLA Watchtower is breached with Justifier Green Arrow and Justifier Black Lightning leading the charge.
The battle of Bludhaven rages with the rag tag team of heroes seeming to get the upper hand. The coolest thing. Tawny Tiger versus Kalibak. Supergirl vs Mary Marvel. Also, congratulations, Mary Marvel is Desaad. Kalibak wants to kill Tawny, Tawny tells him to not let his cultured nature deceive him as "tawny bites". Kalibak proceeds to beat Tawny's head in***(very sad). Freddy Freeman now 'Shazam' knows how to defeat Mary Marvel, grab her and say the word. Tawny Tiger almost dead, rips out Kalibak's guts. Brutal. Kalibak wants help from his Tiger warriors but they only follow the strong and bow down to Tawny. Mary Marvel and Freddy are back to normal(her even with her normal hair etc), Mary purged of Desaad but traumatized, never wanting to say the word again, all Freddy can do is comfort her. With the heroes victorious and the bridge secured. They feel the second wave coming.
At Checkmate headquarters, Mister Miracle explains how the 'circuit'/painting over their faces and that Anthro first painted. Is a letter from the alphabet of the New Gods and means "freedom from restriction", it protects against Anti-Life. With Checkmate down, Mister Terrific explains the endgame. The plan if the superheroes failed and hope was lost(this you gotta listen to).
The second wave ends up being the new Furies.
The japanese heroes talk with low self esteem how none of them have been in a fight. Miracle says that Motherboxxx says Sunny sumo is from a 'lateral reality', somehow Sumo went back in time and then possesed this Sumo's body or something.
So at the Watchtower with the good guys down, Black Canary tries to get some sense into Ollie. Tattoo Man has none of this and suddenly becomes a hero and activates the circuit as they put the helmet on. Turns out it disrupts the other helmets, jams them. An Antidote so to speak to Anti life. However even without the helmets, Ollie and Black Lightning are still infected, infact it seems they think Anti-life is easier. Commentary about ignorance making life easier?
So this is where it all makes sense. How will this change the DCU? How does the multiverse play into it? Answer - Checkmate: Omega. The final intiative that Mister Terrific talks about. In one room, psychics try to cleanse people of anti life, in another - the big gun mystics (zatanna etc) try to contact the spectre for help(how fucking awesome would that be as a good guy ace in the hole). Basically with both Atoms at the front, they will all go into another reality. Renee Montoya is introduced to LORD EYE. Some super duper version of Brother Eye. Basically he and the Atoms will begin a fall into another universe where they will establish the remants of this world into the new one. With Renee leading a Global Peace Agency that controls the new world. So now it makes sense. They don't say it but....Earth 1. That will be the new home of the DC Earth, it leaves this continuity fucked one in shambles, perfect for that supposed last panel of Kamandi. Now this is a great idea and "Crisis" worthy. However there is a problem with this as I will note later.
At the Secret Society, Sivana and Luthor team up, realizing that this is fucked. They both like life. Sivana is pissed that his daughter was given to Anti Life in front of him. Luthor likes life even with it's ups and downs. They plan a sabotage. Sivana says the helmets are mad hatter design and he easily converted his watch to a signal jammer. Luthor mentions they stupidly powered his suit for this "final battle with the superheroes". Massive mistake. Libra confronts Luthor knowing it was him. Luthor's words "impress me Sivana". The Justifiers go down. Luthor tells Libra "I'll show you balance" and blasts him, but there is no body. Sivana mentions it's a classic "haven't heard the last of him". Sivana says that they'll hear his voice as the voice of Darkseid. Though I don't know what they're talking about because they don't show it.
With the flashes, Jay Garrick included, Barry talks about science, light, space, time. How it all becomes one. That beyond the superluminal barrier, matter converts to pure information and he was sent back from that barrier knowing how to stop Darkseid. But he needs Wally's help and they need to outrun the Black Racer whilst at the same time trying to get through the light to get to Darkseid. They are the only ones fast enough to do it. Apparently the Black Racer is also the Black Flash.
Now what you've been waiting for. The Fate of The Dark Knight. ------ Do not read if you do not wish to know the fate.
Batman confronts Darkseid in his chamber. Darkseid knows he's there, he wondered when he would show himself. He tells Batman that he should just accept that the Equation is proven...To embrace it. Batman is carrying the Soul killing gun from the Last Rites issues when he was captured by Mokkari and Mister Simyan. He tells Darkseid he shouldn't have killed Orion. Darkseid mentions it was Orion's destiny to fall in the final battle. All the while those crazy light images from Seven Soldiers of Victory( the ones JH Williams III drew) is around Darkseid. Batman tells Darkseid that on the way to killing Orion, he was wounded beyond repair. "A rotten carcass of a god, crawling into the sewer to die".
"I made a very solemn vow about Firearms." "But for you, i'm making a once in a lifetime exception. A gun and a bullet, Darkseid. It was your idea". - The Batman
The bullet is laced with Radion, which all you who have read New Gods comics over the years know is toxic to the gods of the Fourth World and Fifth it seems.
The bullet is the one that killed Orion.
"Little Man." "Can you outrace the omega sanction? The death that is life!" - Darkseid
"Try me." - The Batman
He fires the bullet, Darkseid unleashes the Omega Sanction(now purple). Darkseid is hit near his heart. Kirby dots coming out of his wound.
Batman either accepting his fate or unaware smiles and says his final word "Gotcha." As the Omega Sanction hits him. In the chest and in the head.
Around the world, people go quiet. The Black Gambit/Omega intiative is...initiated. The Green Lanterns can't, no matter how hard they try, get to Earth. Hal says that no matter what, that they'll die trying and they won't abandon their people.
Nix Uotan tells Metron(yes the rubik's cube dude) that he can't coordinate this. That he was exiled to this darkness with these "germ-people" for a reason. Metron siting in his chair, holding the Rubik's cube in an epic white glow tells him that his arrival inaugurates the Fifth World. "The Age of Men as Gods" and that if they breach the bleed wall, they will face a greater menace than Darkseid. (obviously Mandrakk the Dark Monitor). The stuff Metron says is GRAND. I like the way Nix is insecure and Metron does seem like an actual God, appearing to a lesser being, but this being is still big. So what does Metron mean? Well it means that maybe Mandrakk will destroy everything barring Earth 1. But how weird that Darkseid is dead already. or maybe not. Nah no way. He still has to fight Superman doesn't he? And the Age of Men as Gods? Damn, I still wish that epic idea of having all the big guns become true Gods and the sidekicks take over was still in play. But maybe this is the direction Morrison started back in JLA, that the mythic big guns of the DCU are Gods.
Around the world everything goes quiet, the sky bleeds harder, it gets closer to the ground. As the silence goes around, the Fury Wonder Woman yells "Look! Up in the sky..."
Everyone looks up.
Superman is back, destroying everything in his path with Heat Vision(should of been more epic), it cuts straight to him in a panel destroying everything. It should have been a double page epic splash of him returning. Ahhhh....
Anyway Superman is in a rage, destroying everything in his path, a path that leads to Darkseid. The furies are FUCKED. He flies through everything. There is no fighting, he is just flyign towards something in anger. The Furies and the hunger dogs just seem to fly into the air as Superman flies through them. Superman keeps breaking everything down with force and heat vision. A long shot of a destroyed city and it going dark. The world is collapsing into it. The sky is literally falling.
On the Bridge to Bludhaven, the heroes accept their fate. It is the end of the world. The heroes look up and the red skies, lightning and multitude of earths surround them.
Superman comes out of the rubble. Holding the burnt out lifeless body of The Batman.
The Batman is dead.
FINAL CRISIS #6 - HOW TO MURDER THE EARTH
+ I have pictures if you want to see of the final page and maybe I also have Batman vs Darkseid.
To the issue. I quite liked it, towards the end it got more epic and exciting. But there's one more issue left. How do you end it all? Mandrakk hasn't even showed up yet. Darkseid hasn't done anything. So far it's all been talk of grand ideas but little execution. The art isn't epic enough, the scope of earths isn't that big. It just seems like another JLA adventure. The panel that cuts to Superman fucking everything up, the whole thing should of been well handled. And yes with the final page of Superman holding Batman's body. Doug Mahnke should of definitely drawn the whole mini series. Much respect to Doug Mahnke for that final page, doesn't make sense in context how his fate ends up bt a well drawn Iconic page.
Good ideas, ok no, Great ideas. Epic talk. Epic scope in ideas. But sadly not that huge. I would love to talk to Grant Morrison and see what his original concept was, what he was actually thinking of.
Also some solicit bullshit. Darkseid doesn't fight Superman. Darkseid doesn't even wear a shirt in this issue. He wears jeans! Mandrakk doesn't appear. Yeah. Liars. Where is Aquaman fighting the deep six?
Batman R.I.P....What the fuck did that have to do with anything? Nothing. It was a story which makes no sense in context, because you don't even have to read it to go straight into Final Crisis, there is no connection. All I feel is my wallet strangled. Unless it was a bunch of issues made so there is something after Final Crisis. Lame, uninspired, deceptive.
Either way it was a good read, and even though poetically, it would of been nice to see Batman meet his end fighting crime in his own book. This is a decent ending, though I wish it was clear he accepted his fate when hit by the Omega Sanction. In some way I think Batman may return, or moreso Bruce Wayne return in Issue #7 somehow. Or I still have hope that it is all saved with the Silver Age heroes of Earth 1 coming to save New Earth. Which by the looks of it is broken and can't be repaired. Batman truly is a mythic hero, killing Darkseid pretty much, breaking his one rule to save the multiverse.
The scope just isn't that big. Alex Luthor and Superboy Prime trying to restart the universe was HUGE. Superboy Prime basically taking on the DCU was massive. This...nothing. Evil gods manifesting and dying. Darkseid wearing jeans for fucks sake and then getting shot by Batman....not very epic. I don't get it though, in the previous issue, Darkseid was mobile and had his costume on. This time it's as if he still hasn't left the chair.
I can't wait to see how DarkDidio ruins The Blackest Night. ****
Also please address this rumor that Jim Lee will be drawing the opening One-Shot of The Blackest Night. Like Ethan Van-Sciver did with Sinestro Corps War.
*How does it keep going on? That dumb cunt DarkDidio being typical corporate shite. They failed to promote Sinestro Corps War, then they realized it may very well be the greatest superhero story ever but it was too late. Now in hindsight they realize it, so how do they fix it? milking it of course. The event was called "Green Lantern: The Blackest Night" but no, DarkDidio ruler of Apokalips saw $$$ and decided it needed to be a company wide event so now it's "The Blackest Night". No matter that now it won't be Green Lantern centric with Hal, Kyle, John and Guy the main heroes. Fucking hell the stuff this guy does makes me sick. What a cunt. And he wonders why Marvel always beats DC. Wake the fuck up cockhead.
** The 4th pip once epicly said "and what Marvel is doing with Captain America, Iron Fist and Daredevil is just what DC did with Reign of the Superman, Azrael and Kyle Rayner" - What a lost cunt. Cap, Iron Fist and Daredevil are 3 of the best comics you may ever read. Yeah i'm talking about the Ed Brubaker, Brubaker/Fraction and Bendis, Brubaker runs.
*** I like Tawny.
**** I'm disappointed to know that DarkDidio WILL ruin The Blackest Night. It's the comic event EVERYONE is looking forward to. And he knows it now. Before he had his head stuck up his ass with the crap they were putting out (Amazon's Attack! What the fuck was that!) that he completely overlooked Sinestro Corps War, which is even in respect to Watchmen. The Greatest Superhero Story ever. The best Star Wars story since Empire Strikes Back. Never before have I read something so exciting since I read The Lord of the Rings. Then people went fucking ballistic when that cinematic teaser was shown at the end of the book promoting "GREEN LANTERN - THE BLACKEST NIGHT" not "DC - THE BLACKEST NIGHT", Geoff Johns himself said he saw it as Return of the Jedi in the Green Lantern trilogy, but due to being a girly man, Darkdidio will turn this into a DC event and ruin it. No more having the Green Lanterns and it's mythology as the focus, but bringing as many company wide characters nobody gives a shit about as Black lanterns so they can have spin off series which no one will buy. This pure corporate bullshit where there is not even an attempt in any form to make art makes me mad. Final Crisis - Rage of the Red Lanterns? What did that have to do with Final Crisis. Nothing. But it has the tag and it sells more. That's the dark one's idea of selling books. Lying, deceiving. How about some good stories. Marvel is corporate too but they also at least give a shit or else there wouldn't be any Captain America, Immortal Iron Fist, Daredevil. Comics that are good because that's the reason they exist. Good stories. Fucking corporate cunt.
I'm off to see Kickboxer 2.
Batman R.I.P (Click to emlargin)